Where Yi Lin Craps

=C

2012-01-21T12:13:00.002+08:00

My first university rejection, topped with a really bad nightmare (thanks to CIE trying to be smart by scheduling to release the results on the first day of CNY), defines today.

I'm No Liz Murray

2012-01-12T21:25:00.002+08:00

Figure I should catch up on appreciating life, especially since my last post.
So here.
I'm not homeless.
I don't have alcoholic, drug-addict parents.
My parents don't have AIDS.
I don't have a creepy gramp.
So .. I am more than lucky, far from unfortunate.

However cliched, this rings true : C'est la vie, mais la vie est belle. (Ah, rusty French >.<)
Ciao! =D

Emotional Outburst.

2012-01-07T20:08:00.002+08:00

My tear glands are constipated.
Even they know better than to cry for a heartless someone who has never treated me right, let alone loved me.

I might have constantly shrugged the issue off with a fake smile plastered on my face in front of my very close friends.
But that doesn't make it okay.
Sexism and bias is never okay.

I'm more infuriated than amused than the fact that you were so proud in admitting that you, a married man, went seeking for prostitutes in Thailand when I was two and suffering from asthma and Mom had to hail cabs to rush me from one doctor or another because I often had difficulty in breathing.
I'm pissed off instead of being used of the fact that you love swearing and throwing random, unpredicted tantrums in the shopping malls so that you could embarrass us all and shame us into going home just because you were tired of us shopping for clothes.
But most of all, today, I'm fucking furious of the way you threatened to not fetch me to interviews ever again just because I spent 15 minutes shopping as I still had an hour till my interview.
Great, then don't.

COME ON.
IT'S FUCKING DARN OBVIOUS - YOU ARE ONLY PUTTING UP WITH FETCHING ME TO INTERVIEWS JUST SO THAT YOU COULD SAY THAT "I WAS THE REASON MY DAUGHTER SUCCEEDS" A GOOD FOUR YEARS LATER.

It's really really intriguing that how you stop talking to me whenever I refuse to obey your unreasonable instructions as if they were meant for a dog, only to make up to me RIGHT AFTER MY PMR AND SPM RESULTS WERE RELEASED.
It's even more fucking amazing how you went about telling everyone how your daughter is was gonna be a doctor even if the only thing you've done was just sending me to the interview (plus the swearing and chastising in car, which made me felt as if I'm not a human - I was lucky I regained my composure right before my interview that day, but I WASN'T SO FORTUNATE TODAY), and almost disowned me right after I rejected the offer, and well, OF COURSE, made it up to me when you heard I was accepted to a few UK unis and fervently ~~sends~~ sent me to two interviews today.

And best of all?
You refused to spend even a cent on my education because I declined The Great JPA Medicine offer.
Right now, I'm just really really grateful that Mom's going through hell to fund my education.
But let me just make it clear that YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE IS NOT GETTING AWAY.
I tried forgiving you, thinking that you'll change for the better, just like Mom still does.
BUT I CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T FORGET HOW YOU MADE MOM, TOUGH MOM WHO HAS NEVER CRIED, WAILED LIKE A HELPLESS WOMAN BECAUSE APPARENTLY HER FUCKING HUSBAND WAS HUMPING A WHORE ELSEWHERE, AND HOW YOU TURNED HER INTO THIS PARANOID INSECURE WOMAN NOW.
NEITHER CAN I FORGET THE FEAR I FELT FOR YOU WHEN I WAS LITTLE WHENEVER BRO STARTED CRYING, OR GETTING OVER YOU CANING ME SO THAT I WOULDN'T TELL MOM THAT BRO COMMITTED A MISTAKE.
I will NEVER let my future children anywhere near you, mind you, BECAUSE YOU ARE A BEAST WHO GAVE ME A DYSFUNCTIONAL CHILDHOOD.

Oh, and lastly, I should probably thank you for everything you've done for me since God of all races wants us to be appreciative : so thanks for your sperm that makes up half my genes and for paying RM1296 of house loan per month so that all of us have a home to live in. That's about it, I guess, Father?

Reflection, reflection.

2012-01-03T21:26:00.002+08:00

So the whole search for self-identity is over. (Or is it really?)
Man I question things too much.
It's been cathartic but at the same time emotionally straining.
Brought me to places I don't wanna reminisce about but I'm glad it did.
Anyways.
My primary piece. I *kind of* regret submitting this as my primary essay instead of my third piece but life's too short for regrets so yeah.

Of English and Growing Up
“Uh-oh.” That was the first thought that sprang into mind when I was elected class representative in grade 3. As thrilled as I was with the new responsibility, being class rep also meant that inevitably I had to perform chores for the teachers, my English teacher, Miss Leela included. Built at six foot and often capricious, Miss Leela, who was never tolerant of her students conversing in any language other than English, was a highly-intimidating figure. It didn’t help that I struggled to comprehend her instructions given in a language entirely foreign to me at that time (I was studying in a Chinese vernacular school where lessons were conducted in Mandarin.). As a result, I was often chastised for my mistakes in performing duties as a class rep (for example, delivering exercise books to the wrong classroom, conveying the right message to the wrong teacher). The sense of rejection that I experienced after being berated each time was indescribably painful, and at the same time, was also equally painfully indescribable. Yet it didn’t occur to me to do something to fix this predicament of mine.
My complacency for taking things as they were melted away slowly as I entered secondary school. Secondary school was a whole new world filled with things I was not ready for : the way national school students are far more outspoken than us timid vernacular school students, the diverse student body and the way people of all races converse almost effortlessly in the universal language. Magnificently unprepared for the long littleness of life, I resorted, like most of my fellow primary schoolmates, to a timid girl who doesn’t voice her opinion in classes and doesn’t blend with the national school crowd just because she couldn’t stand being mocked for her grammatically-wrong sentences.
It was in grade 9 that I finally came to my senses that evasion and denial were not going to make my bad English go away. I realised that I didn’t want to be condescended to for the rest of my life. I realised that I wanted to be able to befriend people with races and cultures different from mine. I realised that this fear of humiliation that had been wringing me since grade 3 had to go. Utterly ashamed of my past self, I was obstinate to find a way to recover my lost voice.
In attempt to improve my English, I blogged, watched movies and dramas, read novels and even subscribed to the monthly-published Reader’s Digest Asia. Blogging seemed torturously difficult at first – it took me two hours to complete my first blog post, and I couldn’t even compose the post without using both Malay and Mandarin words because my English vocabulary was pathetically limited. Many a time have I been mocked by my fellow English-educated schoolmates for “not knowing my place”, for starting a blog* when writing was supposedly an elite activity meant for those who excel in it. There have, of course, been thoughts of giving up, but I am really grateful that my determination to prove myself worthy overrode my akratic self at that point of life. Soon not only was I able to string sentences without much effort, I could also watch Grey’s Anatomy without the subtitles.
As honoured as I was to be one of the two students who obtained the double Distinctions award in ICAS Writing and English Comprehension Competitions organized by the University of New South Wales, Australia, the most triumphant moments of my life lie within the process of mastering English itself, in which I have fell in love with British period dramas (especially adaptations of Jane Austen’s novels), been inspired by videos at TED.com and found myself an Ithaca-based penpal whom I can share the snippets of my life with. From a shy and reserved little schoolgirl who couldn’t understand what her English teacher in elementary school was trying to convey, I turned into one who loves English for what it made me : a conqueror of my fear of being humiliated. “External expectations, pride, fear of embarrassment or failure are all things that don’t matter in the big picture. Remembering you are going to die is the best way to remember you have nothing to lose,” the late Steve Jobs is right.
* eileenooiyilin.blogspot.com

Next : the one being trashed. A lot of people suggested that this piece is the better one compared to my previous piece. But it all comes down to soul-baring and instinct. So yeah, it's trashed cause I think it comes with too many streaks of immaturity.

Of Nonconformity
In my secondary school, prefects used to be deemed “cool” while librarians, on the other hand, were perceived as “geeks”. Given my history as a prefect back in primary school, I could have taken up the offer to continue my service as a prefect in my secondary school. But I didn’t – I chose the road less taken, mainly because I was sick of the monotonous daily routine of checking if the girls’ fringes touch their eyebrows, if their nails are too long (too long : when you hold up someone’s hands with their palms facing you, their nails are visible from your angle) and if they are wearing ankle socks (also one form of violation of the school rules). I might sound like I really had a backbone and knew what I wanted, but the truth was, I didn’t want to spend my entire five years in secondary school sticking coding labels onto books either.
Serendipitous is what you call a situation when you were offered the title of a librarian under a new department (with its own room) to process non-book materials ranging from board games like Scrabble and Monopoly to floppy discs with educational contents issued by the Ministry of Education to really useful flash cards (which helped me ace my class quizzes). The idea of being a librarian while not actually having to come into contact with books appealed to me, so after half a year of probation, I was in my dull green librarian uniform : a skirt, a white shirt and a vest.
We, the ten of us who were offered the positions, decorated the BBM* room and by the end of the second month, it’s become a hangout spot for us. The BBM room was like our fraternity house - even when there wasn’t any new material to process, we were there - doing homework, catching up on the stories of our lives (we were in different streams*, and hence different classes) and playing board games occasionally. We worked as hard as the way we had fun, devoting at least four hours a week to our jobs. We even took the initiative to drop by at the library, which was situated one floor below (and many steps away from) our BBM room to learn processing books (yes, that’s the label-sticking job – not as simple as it appeared, though). As a result of our hard work, in our senior year, all ten of us were offered prominent spots on the Librarian Board. We bagged the titles of the President, the Secretary (that’s me), the vice Secretary, the Treasurer, the vice Treasurer, the Head of Library, the Head of Audio Visual Department, the Head of BBM Department, the Head of Discipline and the Head of Assembly Management.
In retrospect, as honored as I was to be elected as the General Secretary of the Librarian Board, the title wasn’t actually the thing that mattered the most to me – the experience was. Had I not chosen that path, I wouldn’t have the chance to venture in administrative works like organizing an event, contacting a sponsor and preparing a report. Had I not chosen that path, I wouldn’t have had realized how conforming merely to fit in would make you lose out on life. And most importantly, had I not chosen that path, I wouldn’t have found myself a tight-knit family in school.
*BBM stands for Bahan Bantuan Membaca (Study Aids).
*Stream : We had to choose to enter either the Science stream or the Social Science stream (more commonly known as the Arts stream) in our upper secondary years.

And lastly, the most personal piece of all. This was only submitted to a few of the unis I applied to, regrettably. =l Writing this was the most cathartic experience of mine in this whole application process. Kind of procrastinated in writing this until the very last minute because I was afraid getting my heart broken all over again. Still, it's done. =)

Of Choices
Groggily my ears took in the pilot’s announcement that I was 30000 feet above ground. Apart from the streaks of sunlight that were barely sufficient to light up a small room, there was nothing outside the cabin window that hinted dawn. I did not understand. I should have at least felt excited about the campus visit, if not euphoric about the fact that I was fortunate enough to be one of the 1500 Year 11 students to be offered the Federal Scholarship, which entails full tuition, food and accommodation, but I was far from any feelings of joy. I landed, grabbed my suitcase and hailed a cab to Allianze University College of Medical Sciences (AUCMS).
The campus was … well, a campus – it was everything a medical school should be. No, I’m not being fair, it actually offered more than what I’ve thought of having : shuttle bus service interlinking the campus and the student residence every ten minutes, free laundry service and a clubhouse with two pools in the student residence area. The amiable nature of the Dean and all the trouble he went through to arrange for me to visit the student residence (which was not entwined with the campus) and meet the lecturers in class made it more impossible to not like the school. My brain said HELL YEAH whereas my heart hesitated.
Somehow I could not envisage myself as a medical doctor. But the temptation to sign the 350k contract to pursue a medical degree program, which tuition fees my parents could never afford, was so strong. The prospect of being a doctor with a starting salary of 4.5k per month, which is my father’s current salary (he has worked for 30 years and possesses a Master’s degree in ICT), made accepting the offer even more alluring. Most importantly, it’s the approving nods and beams from my father and my grandfather, both of whom have always been in favor of my brother over me (sexism runs in the family), that gave me this urge to take the easy way out by accepting the offer so that they could be proud of me too, even if it meant denying myself the dream to pursue a liberal arts education, to be able to take up minors unrelated to my major for the sake of exploration.
I thought the matter over and over again. I couldn’t muster enough courage to bring myself to telling my father that I was far more interested in subjects like economics, psychology, foreign language, cultural studies and anthropology; subjects that dissect the psyches of humans instead of their flesh; subjects that are underappreciated by the Malaysian society because of the less-than-promising career prospects in these field. But I realized that I had to make a choice, to decide between an outfall with my father and losing my dream. In the end I chose to follow my heart. The same day I hit the “Reject” button, I cried bucketloads of tears. It felt like the end of the world: the “I’m so proud of you” and the “future doctor” talks were replaced with confrontations (some of which involved calling me an imbecile). Hints of gloomy prognosis of my likely-to-be false (how does one ever know it is false?) decision were everywhere: the all-night-long heavy rain, the thunderbolts and worst of all, the flaring tension.
I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do (and how can one ever be so sure?), but my heart told me to go on, so going on was what I did. For months, I’ve never stopped contemplating what might have happened if I’ve accepted the offer instead. Would I have been living the lifestyle that everyone envies six years from then? Would I have been revered for my profession, being addressed as “Doctor” by grateful patients wherever I go? I seriously do not know. But one thing I am certain of is that, accepting the offer will mean trading my soul and my passions for something I don’t want: the lucrative rewards of a doctor that, of course, comes with eighty-hour weeks (including one 24-hour on-call shift per week).
I’ve come to realize that it’s our insatiable curiosity, piqued by these unknowns in life, that propagate us forward, regardless of the joy and (unfortunately) the occasional misery that come with the opening up of the treasure chest or the Pandora’s box. With this, I am proud to say that I am not afraid of taking calculated risks on the life-long journey of self-discovery. If I have to name one thing I found in this whole process that I wasn’t looking for, it has to be courage.

Oh and there's a slight mistake in this last piece. Find it? If you can't, that means the AdComs probably won't notice, right? =3

Very much alive.

2011-12-20T13:35:00.002+08:00

Chronicling my life is weird in one sense, but refreshing in another.
Weird because my life story is supposed to be longer than all the papers in the world can accommodate (that's narcissist-thinking but I can't help it >.<), or at the very least, longer than 700 words - the length of my first application essay.
Refreshing because it's like I have flown to another planet. So when I am looking down at planet Earth, I am pointing at this petty little girl called Yi Lin and saying "Look at ALL the silly things she's made! I hope she manages just fine." followed by a soft sigh. It's a "take a step back and you'll get a bigger picture" kind of thing, if you didn't get what I mean.
I am babbling here so that these sorts of unintellectual craps don't seep into my application essays.
=D

Nostalgic

2011-12-16T13:33:00.001+08:00

Just a little over two years ago, I vowed that I would definitely not study psychology. And now I’m considering every field of subjects possible (with the exception of engineering since I dropped physics after SPM as I dreaded it – and the teacher who taught me the subject- soooooooo much).

Just a little over two years ago, UQ was my dream school. I distinctly remembered writing not one, but a few, blog posts expressing my desire to get into that school. They were like tributes written by alumni, save for the fact that I hadn’t gotten in.

Just a little over two years ago, I swore by practicing medicine. I decided that by reading any course other than medicine, there would always be this emptiness deep down inside.

Just a little over two years ago, I was very definite about a lot of things. I was this cocky teenager who thought she knows everything and had not a care about the world.

Blogging truly is cathartic; writing app essays, on the other hand, is one hell of a torture.

Astonished

2011-12-10T12:52:00.002+08:00

I used to be this girl who wants to attend college in a small place called Nilai in the state next to the one she is living in, who wants to study Medical Laboratory Technology in a ~~university~~ college that didn't (doesn't) provide a proper degree - only a diploma.
=O
And three years later, this is the same girl who got offers from Warwick and Durham and is applying to Yale (yeah that's lofty, but I wouldn't wanna regret for not even trying 40 years later).

Time really changes things, doesn't it?

Be prepared for more posts like this today.
Off for more OMFG English.

P.S. I used to be this girl who doesn't swear! Surprise, surprise.

Horrified

2011-12-10T11:56:00.002+08:00

So I'm in the middle of rediscovering myself ( read : finding ideas for my application essayS) and ....
I just found out how terribly under par my English was - I used words like "pik", "blif", and even "tergamak"!
I guess proper spelling and vocab weren't among the most important things in my mind 3 years ago.
Perhaps I should just submit one post each from years 2008 to 2011 as one of my application essays and title it "Of How Much I've Changed". =D
Though, on second thoughts, judging from the contents on my blog, I hadn't exactly grown up. =/
Poof for more horrible English!

Of Appreciation

2011-12-09T21:26:00.003+08:00

So I haven't been blogging for one whole month and my chatbox has been filled with *&^%$# times. (In case you are wondering, no, I wasn't swearing, not today anyway.)
So I've downloaded my entire blog using BlogBooker (aha, it's free - in your face, Blog2Print!) to ... uh, reflect on my life so that my writer's block (when it comes to about 20 application essays due in less than a month) can be, well, unblocked.
Man, I didn't know one month of not writing can lead to stuttering! Tsk tsk.
So in the past 10 minutes I've been flipping through my 337-page blog-turned-into-blog.
And just then I fell in love all over again with all those little, seemingly insignificant parts of my life.

I LOVE the pink noodles which I'd hated at that time, my naive excitement over the victory of Obama, my immature I-hate-you notes, my writing addiction, my swearing addiction, the MPAFA "treaty", the fear of Cadbury (who is currently my good friend, now that he's clarified his past feelings), the magazine put together with A WHOLE LOT of effort, my drawing skills (which, let me clarify, is nowhere like Picasso's), the Family Feud game, the MRI-turned-MSI incident (which was more than a tad embarrassing ><), my Holland lop addiction, my obsession with Australian Mamee Monster (which is - I am serious - healthier than ours since it's of export quality), the fact that I've once fried a piece of salmon without burning it, the tamago boros (thanks, Jess!) and most importantly, my sarcasm. =)

As for the other dark and shady, but inevitable, parts of my life, I've learnt to accept them, and also the fact that I'm so much more fortunate than a lot of people I might have or might not have met.
As for my religion preference, I have yet to take a stance. What's for sure is that I am no longer agnostic, but still unaffiliated to any religion. That's progress, huh?
As for the direction of my blog, it's going from suspense-horror to black comedy to (unfortunately) non-fictional documentation of my academic achievement.
But I am more than darn determined to steer it back to something more ... holistic and less confined to the university I am gonna end up in. =D
Tata for now.
Off for more Julian Mcmahon. *Drools* (Yeah, it's a HUGEEEEEEEEE crush)

Luck needed : Monday =/

2011-11-12T23:35:00.003+08:00

So after a shady post, I figure I should act my age.
"Are you kidding me? Going all emotional AND THEN blame it on the hormones IS acting your age!"
So I've heard.
But I am rather eager to tell the world I've been fanatically stalking Julian McMahon since I was halfway through the first season of Nip Tuck.
Yes we do have cable TV in Malaysia (just thought I should clarify this for that dude who thought Malaysia is a place where no one owns a computer and everyone is not aware of the existence of a series called The Vampire Diaries), it's just that it didn't occur to the 10-year-old me to start watching such a dark and shady drama back then. I would have squirmed at the surgical scenes, frowned and gotten all prudish at Dr. Christian's countless love scenes.
So I joined this fansite and was rather astonished at how well-skilled these people are in stalking. =O
*Applause*
They are like these blood-thirsty oversized bats with REALLY HUGE appetites who have managed to dig up information ranging from something as personal as his home to something as random as an account of his trip by one of his acquaintances.
And his daughter's pics too.
Oh and not to forget, the fact that he is an Internet addict.
He must have stumbled upon more than one of these sites (while self-googling, I guess, as narcissism is in all of our blood) and been all like "OMG these perverted people - where am I living in ?"
The planet of Venus apparently.
No wonder he doesn't own a social-networking account.

Off for more eye-candy. =D

One Hell of A Rant. (One week tardy =l)

2011-11-12T15:43:00.002+08:00

Lately I’ve unleashed my do-things-on-a-whim side(a little too much), which requires a hell of an emotional compensation by reflecting on things I’ve done here.

Well for starters I used up my only five choices in UCAS applying to five renowned schools with super low admission rates. So uh … I guess thick accents and the no-sun climate are just not my thing huh. Getting a conditional offer from Warwick is slightly flattering, would have been more flattering if mom actually knows it’s a pretty decent school. Her mind is occupied with Nottingham , the reason being it has a campus here in Malaysia. Uhm.... Now that I’m done with SAT I (DON’T ASK), I can’t even conjure up a right word from the list of meaningless pompous-sounding bombastic words which I have somehow managed to memorise. Part of the list anyways. By the way, nothing’s big with Warwick – it’s only like, what, the 26^th best uni worldwide. (You DO know that I’m being sarcastic right? Because lately people take me at face value – yes, I mean it literally – and think I’m incapable in sarcasm. How insulting! And yes, I’m being sarcastic AGAIN.)

My second mistake-turned-out-well? Not accepting the JPA offer. Well, it’s done pretty much on a whim, not solely though cause there’s still this prejudice towards the school. So they gave me this school with >95% of Malays. (I, well, less than anticipated to go cause I couldn’t string a Malay sentence without stuttering. Even my “Terima Kasih”s and “Selamat Pagi”s sound awkward. No joke. And the receptionist was less than welcoming and, let’s just say, a little arrogant. HUGEE understatement. Flaws aside, I managed to meet up with a lecturer that I’ve been emailing with not long ago. Nice man really, Doc Gelo.) And my offer was to study medicine. (Yeah I get a lot of “WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! YOU REJECTED AN OFFER TO STUDY MEDICINE?! DO YOU KNOW THAT BEING A DOCTOR IS LIKE THE MOST LUDICROUS JOB IN THIS COUNTRY? DON’T YOU WANT TO GET RICH OR SOMETHING?”) Or something. That’s how I would answer, if those looooooooong lectures about (THEIR screwed-up) priorities in life aren’t given by my elderly relatives who SUDDENLY HAVE A SAY IN MY LIFE WHEN THE TOTAL ACCUMULATED AMOUNT OF TIME THEY HAVE BEEN IN MY LIFE DOESN’T EVEN BREAK PAST A YEAR. Hell yes, I am furious. I am fired up with bitchiness whenever someone gets started on this matter. Mainly because some nosy Penangites LOVEEEE blaming it all on mom when the other parent of mine hasn’t been doing anything AT ALL – how about showing me some paternal love that I’m so deprived of, huh? Oh wait, isn’t that something you should have done ELEVEN years ago? OH WAIT AGAIN, you’ve been too busy loving your son, that’s what. I don’t know which is worse now – a biased traditionalist or an infidel whore-seeking man. Why don’t you tell me?

Another thing done on a whim? Starting the whole US application process. They say once you ‘ve started, there’s no turning back. You bet it’s true. I’m less than halfway through it and already dying too. My SAT scores are … what a lot of people would call good, but just not something worth mentioning in front of 2400s geniuses. Just like the sort of difference between an A and an A* in A-level exams, if you get what I mean. Application essays? Nowhere done. Ugh. If only my ideas come gushing out like when I’m blogging. But I crack under pressure, like eggs, so nuh-uh. My resume? Trying to build it. Trying really hard, in fact. Took up a position as a volunteer translator in a NGO, but my Mandarin is uh… not really up-to-par to that A I got in SPM (In fact, someone actually thought I failed Mandarin. Ouch, ego blow! And a lot more hate me for my A in SPM when they hear me speak. I even had to conjure up this lame joke about how the examiner who marked my paper was a Caucasian who was so impressed with my bull-shitting skills that he/she had to ace me, so that they would let me off the hook. But, truth is, nobody is willing to forget about my strike-it-lucky A in Mandarin. )

If I could just submit posts in my weblog as my application essays, things would have been a hell lot easier. But nobody loves ~~dark poetry~~ errr I mean, true depiction of life – instead an excerpt from very brief happy moments in life is ALWAYS preferred over the former . (Everyone has a dark and twisted past of his/her own. I might be only 18, but let’s just say people around me have lives dramatic enough to make me realise that point. Proof? I have an eclectic blend of relatives, ranging from whore-seeker to SUPER-superstitious believer (in what, I do not know. SERIOUSLY.) who insisted that females go barefoot during a funeral (OUCH!) to loan shark evaders. )

It’s one in the morning and I need to sleep to lay off my crankiness. I don’t think there’s a cure for my bitchiness though. ;) Ciao!

And excuse my incoherence and babbling that doesn't seem to make sense.

Of Jealous Cowards

2011-11-07T17:48:00.002+08:00

Trusting a person for the first time can be justified.
A second time is still justifiable.
As for the third time, nothing is more apt than the word "idiotic".

Aha I'm back on track!

2011-10-15T11:12:00.001+08:00

The right one?
But heck cares.
I care not that I'm just rhe-girl-next door who, for no good reasons, is infatuated with Darren Criss, Hugh Dancy and possibly Kim Hyun Joong.
So unlike my pen pal, one year my junior, who wins every single dragon-boating competition she's in and holds an ART EXHIBITION and goes to Cornell for summer program.
Good for her.
But I'm insouciant now.
So let it be.

C'est la vie is NOT cliched.

2011-10-11T21:44:00.002+08:00

Am feeling a little numb today.
Amidst the long, agonizing wait for the release of my SAT result - so that I can decide which schools to apply to - I've also withdrawn my Cambridge application because the 10% likelihood of entrance is simply not worth a hundred Britain pounds, which, I assure you, is A LOT (well, to me anyway).
So what has life been?
Well, it's been pretty much a routine - search for self-identity, which is what turns out to be a futile attempt, start over only to fail again.
But that's life isn't it - to realise you don't actually want something as much as you thought you do, to make decisions on a whim only to regret it later, and most importantly, to learn from your own mistakes.

And of course, what's life without dramas. =)
Both in reality and on televisions.
But most of the time, I prefer the ones on screens because in real life, dramas can be so complicated.
Or not.

Off I go for another sail of self-identity.

Eileen.

P.S. Watch Hart of Dixie, or (only if you have a strong heart) Nip Tuck.

Daphne the Bunny

2011-09-10T15:24:00.001+08:00

I'm a great liar who's doing very well in my SAT prep. (Does that count as a paradox? Oh never mind.)
So now that I realise I've been ranting wayyyyy too much about exams, I'm gonna make up for lost time on life in general.
If you count watching Running Man and reading flicks as life, then yeah - I've got one hell of a life.
I started watching my first hour of Running Man for Song Joong Ki (the overly-perfect pretty boy in Sungkyunkwan Scandal) but little did I know I would be drawn to Kwang Soo (the guy who shoots right up into the sky in Dong Yi) later on.
Despite the fact that he's sloppy and doesn't seem to get anything right, he has far higher entertainment value than Joong Ki, or that's what I think.
Though, I can't really make out whether he's feigning stupidity so that he can appear as the slightly-cute, very-much-amusing clumsy bear he is now or he's just one of those kids born to stumble on every stone he walks pass.
Still, the show's much of an entertainment anyway.
I figure I've read wayyyyyyy too much chick flicks that I'm starting to render them repetitive AND BORING.
It always goes in this order : abhorrence AND sexual attraction at first sight ---> hook up, have a fling ---> being in denial about love ---> relents ---> happily ever after.
Shallow much.
Yipee! Maybe I can start reading intellectual stuffs like memoirs and literature and more JSF's novel, then I might not be pathetically ranting and obsessing over every B or scores which do not amount to 100% all the time - in fact I might turn out to be like those really smart, cosmopolitan kids who speak with eloquence about things I haven't heard of at all!
In My Dreams. Pfft.

How I wish Daphne the Bunny is a real series. (Refer : SEP's This Heart of Mine)

Tick tock.

2011-09-02T20:53:00.001+08:00

Time's ticking and in one month I'll be resitting my SAT (which was screwed by my essay mainly). Hmmm tells a lot about my proficiency in this language, doesn't it?
Trying to organise my life into words never works but I'm one tough kid who opts to keep trying anyway.
It's one of those lost seasons (yes, again) where I start questioning where I am headed.
Having found out my life goal is more mercenary than pure interest-based, I - of course - am not flattered.
Volunteering to read for the kids certainly helped take things off mind, alas for only two brief hours.
Though, well, I've gotta admit that I'm one unanimated story-teller who happened to have a sore throat on that day.
I guess kids are not generally taken to female storytellers with coarse voices, huh?
Anyways.
Since I lost track of my life goal, there's been practically nothing to motivate me to keep up my grades but a bet (of a Mcd treat =.=) between me and a tall freak, which I can say isn't helping much.
So here I am to bring myself back on track - think of the General Education modules in Sg and US which will fend away the monotonous uni life (of hundreds of hours of figure-related/ theory-related, repetitive-natured courses).
Well, that certainly helped. =)

dolce far niente =)

2011-08-17T21:08:00.002+08:00

It's official.
That uncanny knack of mine cost me half a band in IELTS - I ended up with an 8 instead of an 8.5.
Naturally I was (still am) upset, and lachrymose as I am, I cried over it.
And I don't fucking care about your grades - let's just say it served you right, you stuck-up, boastful self-proclaimed smarter-than-me worthless bitch - let me just assert again that I don't believe in delusional competitions so you, along with your inferior complex, can lay off me.

Nothing's new - it's books, exam, addiction to a new drama series/game/books all over again.
This routine's never getting old I figure.
Since American dramas are all on hiatus until September, I'm hooked onto Susan Elizabeth Phillips' flicks.
So much for having a life.
Oh check out Eat Pray Love if you are lost.

=l

2011-07-28T22:43:00.001+08:00

This uncanny knack of mine - babbling and thinking out loud when I'm nervous - needs to stop.
=O
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh ftw

=l

2011-07-14T23:02:00.003+08:00

I figure I should write more now that I've gotten myself a 6 out of 12 for my SAT essay.
Clearly I've gone out of practice and words don't come easily as they did before.
For some reasons, one of which concerning grade inflation, I feel like writing a hate note today. =CC
You don't have to rub it in my nose - I know you are better than me in that particular (AND ONLY) field.
I'm freaking fed up with you acting supercilious just because you own a study fund greater than all of ours summed together because there's a chance that you might never get to use it!

It's freaking amusing that how scammers never improve. Instead of being smart, they're practically ALL blondes! Shame.
WEB SECURITY 101 LESSON 1 : CREATE AN EMAIL ADDRESS UNASSOCIATED TO ANY SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES and register yourself on penpal sites and you'll see how scams work (or how horny tourists from *a certain nation* are).
1. So you are an earl and your uncle just died. You are next in line to succession and out of nowhere, there's a political coup. Oh and JUST SO IT HAPPENS, you have to transfer all your funds to MY account and you have to offer me half of it.
Piece of advice? Go open up a Swiss bank account, for God's sake - or don't you ever watch TV?
2. So you are in for a serious relationship and you HAVE TO find it on a penpal site out of all the places you can in the world. Way to go man. No wonder you are still "unattached" even though you think that "age and skin color don't matter".
3. So you are coming to Malaysia and you need to hook up. Aren't you potent (and I mean it both literally and metaphorically) enough to browse escort websites which are mushrooming all over the Internet?

I'm just bitching *shrugs* but if you HAVE TO hate someone, blame my womb!

Dear nose, please stop running!

2011-07-10T22:46:00.002+08:00

Done mourning, done tearing.

Moving on, oh look, our dear pm has just lost his demeanor (if he even had one to start with)!
If I'd seen signs of unity, I would be calling up a snap election any minute to prove who owns this land.
Impressing much, not.
Isn't the monumental peaceful demonstration, which was apparently marred by brutality, a sign big enough for things to work The Other Way round?

I've not been updating not because I have had continuous bouts of writer's block (that too), but because I no longer see the point of doing so when all I have done was only spitting instead of spilling. Words have been made so vague to minimise bruises (of other parties, more often) that I don't even recall what happened after not one but several glimpses at my previous posts.

So, a brief update on reality.
1970 on SAT. (Read : Big F for Ivy League unis)
A 7 outta 9 for my first IELTS essay, followed by a remark "Your ideas are great, but improve your language" (Seriously? I hope there's little truth to that. After all, I let her grade it out of my own free will. Darn me!)
2Bs in my first sem. exam.
Application essays written : NIL.

I know I sound paranoid but I can't help it!
Perhaps giving up my childhood dream has made me go nuts? =p
Ciao.

P.S. R.I.P. PAPA!

Why Is The World So Grumpy.

2011-06-06T21:00:00.001+08:00

I wish I could enjoy one more week of evasion.
But there's always one week after another, isn't there?
In fact I wanna have one more year.
I don't want to end up being the old cranky lady who, forty years ahead, rants about how her life sucked because she chose the wrong career to venture in. =C

Yesterday? Screw that. =)

2011-06-04T18:11:00.003+08:00

I pulled through fine, I ~~hope~~ guess. With some luck, there might just be another 75 dollars saved. =)
Except for one section where I was too hungry to even think and my effing stomach wouldn't stop rumbling. >.<
There's a possibility that I am the reincarnation of a pig.
Anyways, phew, after 4 hours of SAT and 4 hours of sleep to make up for it, it's time to move on!

Of Going Wrong

2011-06-03T23:52:00.002+08:00

Things never go as they're planned, do they?
Relationships aside, there is still much to be agonized over.
So yeah, tough week ahead.
Gonna brace myself with lots of plush. =D

Decisions, decisions...

2011-05-28T11:29:00.002+08:00

If I could have not a care of what the world thinks, things would have been so much more uncomplicated.
But I am not an island, so yeah ... carefree life is what I'll never get.
Part of me wants to leave everything and just go after my dream (in not an exactly flattering place) whereas part of me is too complacent to even think of going.
Anyhow, few days ago when I was heavily inclined towards accepting the offer, mom (read : "Make your own decision, I won't force you.") got so mad at me, for even considering to leave, that she stormed out and said "If you wanna go, take the cab."
Seriously?
And I thought the age of tyranny has long ended.
Now I just ...... I don't know, frankly.
And with her offering to fish out 400k to pay for med school, it just adds to my guilt.

"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations." - Swindoll

How apt.

Cabbagehead! =p

2011-05-19T23:35:00.002+08:00

Lately my life has been hommish (and no, damn you firefox, it's not a word!).
Girly hommish at college, instrumentally hommish elsewhere, but sweet all the way.

Anyhow my indecisiveness and erratic nature have resurfaced at the moment where I need them least.

Let's just hope for The Dream, shall we?
Night!

It rained :) :D

2011-05-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

Ironically the rain kept me warm and fuzzy inside <3
Though, I have start fabricating a personal statement to express my passion in economics (no it's not a paradox of any sort! :p) due to the inefficiency of a certain party.
Au revoir!
Off.

Mais la vie est belle :D

2011-05-08T17:15:00.002+08:00

Born lucky?
Too early for a conclusion now.

I remember having come across the first French word in my life while reading Teen Idol : C'est la vie! (Well, that's life!).
Little did I know that I would be learning French for real, and even enjoying it.
Life's full of unknown, isn't it?
=)

Sometimes I think I AM my biggest contradiction.
Maybe I am?

Back on Track

2011-05-03T21:07:00.003+08:00

Perhaps sometimes only through a catastrophe that one could actually gauge the most important things in his life.
Lately I've been too engrossed with the pursue of my dream - so maybe this is one of Gods' signals to bring me back on track?
There is always a likelihood of everything. =)
You must be thinking, this is rich - coming from the ~~mouth~~ fingers of a free-thinker.
I don't usually justify my actions or thoughts, but for some unknown reasons today I've decided to clarify I've never been an atheist.
Yes, I've been agnostic for awhile but that was it.
The only two reasons I claim to be free from the shackles of religions is so that I don't (further) sin myself by advocating for religions that start wars and so that (well, this is a lot selfish) I could eat anything I want.
But yeah, I believe in Gods.
There, I said it. =]

Everything that happened in that particular split second didn't seem to have marked its presence onto my memory.
All I could see was the aftermath - the shattered pieces of glasses, the heavily-dented door and, of course, the goddamn van in which sat a driver who was trying to escape.
Mom stepped on the brake pedal so firmly that I was horrified by the abruptness.
Having misinterpreted her silence as a sign of weakness, for a second I thought she was severely injured.
And for the rest of the day, nothing else matters.
Fuck the SAT, fuck the UCAS, fuck Ivy League, fuck everything else.
For Gods' sake, we could've died this morning!

On a final note, contrary to my previous tone, I just want to say thank you for the random act of kindness this morning. God bless, lady! =)

Tiana

2011-04-21T20:05:00.004+08:00

For one who bases her faith on shooting stars, I'm one hell of a believer.
The wise part of me knows it's time to let go, whereas the emotional part of me just can't stop believing.
How I wish I'm more of a rational person than one with lots of heart.
And the fact that I just practically flunked my first math test ever didn't help one bit.
So, ciao!
Will retreat to enlighten myself with dramas (they're all back from hiatus! =D), food and a good night's sleep.

P.S. Guess who's the little girl up there? :D

Here comes (the end of) the hols

2011-04-14T23:08:00.003+08:00

I know compared to The Quake and Its Aftereffect, my can't-get-over-my-childhood-infatuation problem doesn't seem like much of a problem. =]
Even the fact that I babbled my way through JPA interview when asked to answer in Malay doesn't seem like one too.
And the fact that I haven't started preparing for SAT seems even picayune.
Don't mind me. I'm just babbling.

Something semi-intellectual, after ... quite awhile.
Colours are conjured up by the brain, in reality we only see different wavelengths.

Pope Joan got me emotional for a whole week.
(Inspiring movies/ books usually do, and then they turn inspirational.)
The issue of the existence of a female pope is still a controversial one.
But, deep down inside I hope she existed.
*this is where I feign a solemn smile*

Blueks and ciao!

Of Dodgeball and Future Plans.

2011-04-06T21:41:00.004+08:00

From the way I dodge and evade, I figure I might be a national dodgeball player.
Then again, all my life I've spent time trying not to grow into the mould of my rash, impulsive closed ones, so it's no surprise that I'm now a complete opposite of them.
Then again, I might be just like them.
But that's beside the point - see, I was digressing yet again (X countless times).
Right, I was here to start bitching.
So you can insult me all about my looks, call me a noob publicly (which is fucking immature) and even speculate that I was gonna fail my SPM Chinese just because you speak better than me (in that language, that is) but I am not permitted to reciprocate (even in a jokingly, just-for-kicks way), am I, your highness?
I understand that all of us might feel underappreciated at some points in life, but YOU ... you are pathetic with that inferiority of yours.
Pardon my bluntness but putting up with all that one-million-for-my-tertiary-studies-and-a-Volkswagen talk can be extremely tiresome.
You need a boost for your ego, I get that, and I don't mind tending to pathetic rich brats once in a while - but every alternative day?
Ugh no way.
I don't mind apologising for your mistakes ('cause I'm a peace-loving Libran, says a horoscopodophile) and getting shouting at in class every day (yes thank you very much for the unwanted attention) - at least now I know I should keep my distance.
The funniest part of all?
You told me we are both soft-hearted people and that we are very much alike!
Maybe none of us is and that's the core of the problem.

P.S. I might be ... like ... the bitchiest bitch but I don't shout.
P.P.S. I tried crying but the tears won't come - so there's no others ways from which I can unleash my suppressed endorphins. Bad day.

Fucking pissed.

To add (a little) irony to this post, I'm gonna include a list of things that have ~~brighten~~ "un"darken my day a little.

Pope Joan. I'm fortunate to have not watched the movie before reading it 'cause I now realise movies can NEVER be better than books. And no, there's no exception.
Someone's off-key pronunciation of the word "label", making it sound synonymously to "level", which reminds me of the A+ incident. (Naw, not gonna talk about it).
The holland lops. =)
The lame anal joke (WHICH I TOTALLY GET, YOU-KNOW-WHO-YOU-ARE!) =P

Ciao.

Ugh SAT.

2011-04-05T22:47:00.004+08:00

It's time to step out from the gray shades of the past 'cause there's no turning back now.
Next thing in mind will be realizing my lofty dream.
Still optimistically realistic / realistically optimistic.
More of the former than the latter, though. =]

P.S. To whoever who posted the holland lop link in my chatbox (even if it's out of commercial intention), you just brightened my year ahead. =D =D =D

:'(

2011-03-23T23:12:00.001+08:00

Perhaps it's time for a goodbye kiss?

Of apathy. (Yes, I meant for it to be ironic!)

2011-03-21T22:57:00.003+08:00

Darn, it's heart-wrenching reading messages on Google People Finder.

Euphoria. Not quite.

2011-03-21T22:30:00.004+08:00

"It's just a paper, it's just a paper"
Uh-uh, not quite convincing.
From the bottom of the hill, it does seem only like a paper.
But now that I'm up there (at the hilltop), the fear's resurfacing fast, and the impossibly high expectations around by parties who are unbelievably nosy only make it all worse.
My metaphor sucks and I seemed to have forgotten how to write (not to mention my Chinese too).
Someone actually thought I flunked my Chinese exams in high school.
Really, am I that much of a failure when it comes to my mother tongue?

Apart from the high expectations, life's been (more than) not too shabby.
I've gained weight, not from stress, but from lavish food.
And about 1kg of my total weight is made up of bacteria in the intestines (according to a random nutritionist in the Yakult Factory).
Oh, and MUSCLES ARE DENSER THAN FATS.
I REPEAT, MUSCLES ARE DEFINITELY DENSER THAN FATS.
So I might have built some muscles in the process of climbing up to the 4th floor, where all but one of my classrooms are located at least twice a day, not to mention the process of getting to diners with GOOD FOOD. (Ahhhh, there's surely no free lunch.)
With an exceptions of a C in Bio, I practically aced all other quizzes to date.
And Econs has been fun, which is totally out of my expectation.
Oh and French classes!
Finally a Francophile's dream comes true. Lol.
And two tests have just been postponed.
I should be jumping up and down with excitement now instead of ranting like an ungrateful old chap.
=D

I promised to keep my Air Plus joke for ST. So ciao!

Ego boost?

2011-03-14T21:09:00.003+08:00

Oh great, I'm here "de"stressing instead of studying for The Chemistry Quiz I will undoubtedly flunk.
It's been two months since college started and there have been incidents that intrigue me almost every alternate day.
Like how people who got all 10 A PLUS in SPM forecast actually exist.
Like how people who are going to get a Mini Cooper as their FIRST car actually exist.
But I'm in a whole new state of overwhelm today.
Apparently allocation of education fund can exceed $800 thousand per child.

Well, I'm not gonna just sit in a corner and sulk.
Instead I should be feeling appreciative that I successfully escaped from a knife point, learnt English from scrap and am going to start my French class this Saturday, and volunteering work at an orphanage in near future! =)
Finally my life, or lack thereof, can be fulfilled, even in the teeniest way possible.
Oh and I'm deeply thankful that I have got brains and not boobs. =D

Ignore me writing in this half-asleep state.
Ciao!

What goes around comes back around.

2011-03-11T22:07:00.004+08:00

I feel like an insensitive jerk agonising over the C grade on my Biology paper, worrying about transport to get to KLCC for education fair rather than praying for the countless victims of natural disasters.
And that set me off thinking, what if I'm in their shoes, will I still be upset for not acing a really petty test along my A-level course? Will I still enrol for French courses just for the sake of ... IDK? No. I would've been struggling for life.
Now I sound petty. FML.

More minor tests to come.
So ciao!

(Failing) Metaphors

2011-03-03T23:44:00.004+08:00

Awesome is when I manage to renew my loaned book 10 minutes before it's due, especially after countless attempts of renewal throughout the 1-hour long server bug!
Sleepy is what I feel right now. =p

Sequel to Cheers to the Cul-De-Sacs

2011-02-24T22:11:00.005+08:00

Pictures I haven't gotten around to upload. (Michelle, blueks!)

My brother, who didn't seem too thrilled of the idea of me being his tutor. Well, he's not the only one.

(Am starting a new post only because uploading photos messed with my font, as well as my temper.)

I might have, or might have not, flunked math test.

And I have to speak in an audience of more than 50 people for 2 or 3 minutes.

I could have said I might die of humiliation but having learnt science for more than 8 years, I know better.

Don't mock my phobia because duh, everyone has (in some cases, more than) one.

To put the theory in a different way, it's exactly like how patients who have appendicitis feel like it's the end of the world whereas doctors can't just roll their eyes at them.

Done crapping. Or so I think.

Ciao.

Cheers to the Cul-De-Sacs.

2011-02-24T20:42:00.005+08:00

Because my stress level is inversely proportional to the amount of posts in my blog, here I am again.

Life's not been too shabby, really.

I've been enjoying Econs class, despite the massive amount of graphs, because the lecturer clearly has no problem with us eating whenever we feel like it, which, unfortunately, isn't the case for the rest of the lessons. Oh, and remember how I've always loved (and still do) sarcastic, cynical, yet witty people? Haha this particular lecturer is exactly the outcome of the cynic-cum-witty mould. =) =) =)

I feel so elated, possibly motivated right now.

Just like that very time when I had this substitute for history who've taught us all about Hitler, Mussolini, facism, Nazism, MWD, Sadam Hussein and all we HAD to know about Malaysian politics. Sadly my parter thought he wasn't capable of teaching because, what, he taught us common sense instead of highlighting the monotonous historical facts that are "highly likely to be tested in SPM"?

But I pretended to not enjoy his class anyway 'cause I was (still am, just less of) a conformist and there happened to be some party who think too highly of themselves and disregard everyone else's opinions.

Anyway, back from digressing.

Just like every time I stock up my candy supplies. Or after a cup of overpriced frap mocha from Starbucks. Or after a cup of mint chocolate & mango and passion fruit sorbet gelato from (preferably) Patisfrance.

I don't know why I fear speaking in public so much.

My stage jitters are way worse than the short-lived lost days of mine in which I felt vulnerable and terrified after knowing of those freak fatal accidents someone deliberately fed me with.

I call it overprotectivity while the other party conveniently omitted the "over".

Of creativity

2011-02-14T22:58:00.005+08:00

The urge to type is somewhat difficult to curb, so here I am again.

I believe with Microsoft word and paint, I, not being technology-savvy AT ALL, can finish this in (tops) 30 minutes.
So, am I still expected to believe that "it's the best we could do"?

P.S. Oh, not that anyone cares, but chicken comes before egg because apparently egg has to be formed inside a chicken, which, science being science, leads to another question : Where on Earth (or maybe not) did the first chick come from? Also, it would be greatly convenient if humans hatch from eggs, then I guess the whole world might never doubt the story of Adam and Eve ever since.

(Still) Overwhelmed

2011-02-14T22:36:00.003+08:00

This must be the longest hiatus I've taken in writing.
Ironically enough, it's not because of a common case of writer's block, but rather a series of inexplicable scenarios which can only be concluded with the words school, school AND school.
So yeah I'm still very alive.
And tomorrow's a public holiday! (oh I LOVEEEEEE MALAYSIA! :D)
So much for feigned patriotism.
Anyway I've been up to nothing much for the past 3 weeks, except for a few rounds of movie marathons to catch up on the episodes of Nikita, The Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl, Cougar Town, Grey's Anatomy and Glee I've missed.
And I've yet to find out what GG means (because it shocked - and still shocks - me so much when it was uttered by a ... well, let's just say someone who is always behind the latest trends), and at the same time verify if it really stands for Good Game, as my brother has pointed out.
I know I could have spent time googling GG but it's been long since I write, and I can feel my command of language gradually deteriorating because I also happen to be speaking minimal English.
Darn.
Should have sat for IELTS last year when I could still string sentences without thinking and end up with (almost) perfect grammar.
I also appear to have double standard (and am not proud of it - am merely trying to get in depth with my flaws) because I frown when someone uses lousy grammar and curse when someone tries to stuff some SAT-rated (read : overrated) in their blogs and ends up getting sentences like "He's so callous for pulling a prank on me!".
No offence. (I don't really know the point of saying No Offence, No Puns Intended, et cetera, when all I do is offending people and bitching with my words, but social etiquette demands it, so here you go!)
And I blog so I won't get (as) bitchy in real life.
Oh man I still have 1500 SAT words to learn before June. T_T
Now I can only get a 680 for Critical Reading in mock tests.
How bad is that.
Bottomline, my life pretty much sucks but I won't trade it for anyone else's.
And those "I'm grateful for ..." notes are really working. ^^

P.S. Happy V day. It feels kind of weird this year, without Cadbury chocolates (which I've been so eager to be rid out last year). Lollollol. Talk about irony.

Deadlines.

2011-01-27T21:56:00.004+08:00

So I've stop lamenting over my subject combination, because I seriously don't think I can handle Further Math, now that I've been exposed to Math.
But I can't quite get the high-waisted skirt out of my head. (Refer : Last week's to-do list)
Heck cares.
Firefox is making me self-conscious about my spelling. (And at first I thought it's Facebook!)
My title is random.
Ciao!

=l

2011-01-23T13:12:00.003+08:00

Frustration is when I forget to save my body test result in Wii after having gotten myself a Wii Fit Age of 17.
Phobia is when I no longer log into Facebook because some bug won't stop bugging me.
Overwhelm is what I feel exactly right now.
10 Things I Hate About You is my endorphin of the week.

.docx? .pptx.? .zip? FML.

2011-01-22T14:10:00.003+08:00

I had my effing moments since last night, trying to open files with .docx and .pptx extensions in Blackboard 7.
I lost track of counts but judging from my frustration this morning, I must have tried about 10 times for each file.
I even went into the wrong direction by downloading and installing Open XML Reader.
It turns out IE7 has a bug that automatically converts .docx and .pptx files to .zip files on certain sites.
So here goes my first post using Firefox explorer.
=)

Belated

2011-01-18T21:12:00.004+08:00

I woke up at 11 from my second sleep on a couch and, albeit being all groggy and a little more peaky than usual, expected a great day ahead by starting it (the day, I mean) with a Grammy-Awards winning movie, Forrest Gump.
Even before I had the chance to check my blotchy face in the mirror, a result of being overswollen with water (as always), my day was ruined.
Note that. My.Day.Was.Ruined.
Let me run that again.
MY.DAY.WAS.RUINED.
Not because I slept on a couch or didn’t look good within minutes (possibly hours) after being awake, but because someone, no, MORE than someone actually, just interfered with my supposedly highly-enjoyable movie-watching by simply making imbecilic remarks and laughing at the wrongest of times (and there I sat, thinking that no one past elementary school actually laughs, or in this matter, giggles AT love scenes) and the worst of all, asking me what the heck I was watching.
"Erm, nothing, just Forrest Gump."
"Yer, why do you even watch this kind of movie?"
"It’s an award-winning movie, so why don’t you just keep your mouth shut?"
And what gall you must have to “tactlessly comment” that award-winning movies are so weird and incomprehensible.
Well, that really blew my temper, and believe me, I had (HAVE) one hell of a temper.
Thus I retorted by saying people who don’t understand them (the movies) ARE the weird ones. As impossible as it is, considering all the Distractions, I still find it inspiring.
My level of tolerance might have been pushed to the limit, but I still remained impartial to my judgement of the movie.
I guess it’s mainly because of the vivacious background music that was so ironic to the dark tales depicted throughout the movie. =)
My favourite quote?
“And I thought, since I’ve already gone this far, I might as well turn around and keep running…”

Tomorrow’s the inception of a whole new year of mine. What’s ahead are SATs, IELTS/TOEFL, AS exams and university applications.
The fear that’s been concealed deep down inside me, so deep that I didn’t even realize its existence before this, is beginning to surface.
Well, that pretty much explains my crankiness, or then again, maybe it’s just PMS.
Either way, I’m deeply grateful that I’ve found a bosom pal who has the same aspirations as I have, though I doubt he is in possession of bosom. LOL. Let’s go for it, bosom(less) pal!

To-do list (Week 3 of 2011) :
1. Work on SAT vocab. (48 words per day!)
2. Schedule time for SAT, SAT 2 and IELTS.
3. Prepare for uni apps essay.
4. Start saving 200 bucks per month.
5. Stop sulking over A-level subject combination.
6. Stop obsessing over the polka dot high-waisted skirt in Brands Outlet

P.S. You have no rights whatsoever to pontificate on my education pathway.
P.P.S. To further back my choices of movie, Forrest Gump has a rating of 8.6 in IMDB, which is rarely. Movies rarely get past a 6.0
P.P.P.S. If I could just have Gump's innocence... ("and for no reason at all, somebody shot him...) There I go with speculations again.

Rocky or Pocky?

2011-01-15T17:05:00.004+08:00

Since I'm pretty much an observant person, ~~especially~~ only when it comes to food, I've noticed that the pack of Pocky sticks I got from Empire's Shojikiya is also manufactured by Rocky's company, Glico.
Curious kid as I am, I googled and (obviously, since I'm writing this now) found the reason Glico manufactures the same product under two different names.
In Malaysia Pocky was renamed Rocky to avoid sounding like "pork".
How ... thoughtful.
Ciao!

P.S. Creds to Wikipedia, as always.

Life

2011-01-07T16:19:00.003+08:00

is like a cup of yoghurt right now.
With the right additives, say a pass in the road law test tomorrow, it could be highly enjoyable.
Otherwise, it's just plain old sour yoghurt (like those original flavoured ones in Tutti Frutti) full of nothing but live cultures who are claimed to be beneficial to one's health.
And to digress further than I already did from my original intention of this post, why are there only merely four to six choices of flavours in TF when they claim, all the time, that they now have "new flavours"?
Blah, I shall end my rant here.
Certainly not.
Not unless Wii stops reminding me how "balance isn't my forte" and quits asking if I "find myself tripping while walking".
Hilarious at a point, but it got old soon.
I guess I'm just jittery now, to the fact that I am a teensy bit color blind and that I lost interest in memorizing facts (that don't matter much to me, anyway).
Ciao.
Do wish me luck, anyone who's reading this (even if I was a.little.harsh).
=)

Week #1 - Read

2011-01-03T22:40:00.012+08:00

1. The Importance of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde
Well, what can I say? I LOVE anything satirical and sarcastic, especially the conversations between Jack (Ernest) and Algy (the then another Ernest). A few of my favourite ones are "When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amuses other people."

"My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression..."

"Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me so nervous."

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

"The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means."

"I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."

By the way, I came to know of Oscar Wilde from one of his many witty epigrams :

“I can resist everything except temptation”.

2. Everyone Worth Knowing - Lauren Weisberger
This came as an utter disappointment. Apparently just cram all the names of the celebrities, movies and socialites of the year and TA-DA, this book is born. Even the only movie I've watched this week, Mr and Mrs Smith, is mentioned in it. =.= I kind of expect much more than a book overloaded with brand names from the same person who wrote The Devil Wears Prada, which I thought was brilliant with a touch of freshness, because I didn't think a chickflick literature without romance could sell so well.

3. Ain't She Sweet - Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Another chickflick that made my day. =) Love her Match Me If You Can too!

4. Animal Instincts – Nell Dixon

One of the best Little Black Dress books I’ve ever read. =) Double thumbs-up. Dave the parrot from the brothel and Mr. Sheen the always-greedy-and-hungry goat made me laugh out loud.

P.S. Three chickflicks and one semi-modern literature – that kind of made my week. Four books in a week - well, not much of an accomplishment since I'm currently unoccupied 24/7.

P.P.S Will try to remember to rotate the images before uploading'em in the future. And yes, that's a yoga mat. Lastly, I'm currently reading the book below. =p Ciao!

Of How I Managed To Keep Myself From Rotting.

2011-01-01T23:24:00.010+08:00

1. Restaurant-hunting for Chinese New Year Eve's Reunion Dinner
Hopping from one food blog to another, another and another (and the routine continues) has never been this mind-exhausting. The photos of scrumptious fish roe sushis from Tenji almost made me drool, and the images of unlimited servings of Haagen Daaz ice cream and mochis and cakes only acted as a further torture as Mom decided against both Tenji and Jogoya. For the record, I liked Jogoya better for its website design (because despite the existence of terms like "shallowness for appreciating outer beauty" or simply "superficial", I believe everything depends largely on its presentation), well, until I saw Tenji's desserts. Whatever, I have to kiss them goodbye. =C On the other hand, Dragon-I's "Suckling Pig" made me want to puke. I mean, there are activists boycotting shark's fin soup, why not save these cute little pigs as well? Or, at the very least, stop poking cherries into their eyes!

2.Lamenting (sulking, in fact) over my choice of A-level subjects and (possibly) college

"Ugh.
I am kind of unsatisfied with my A-levels subject combination.
I picked Math, Bio, Chem and Econs.
But I think I could have proven myself more worthy (to who? myself, at the very least, I guess) with Further Math instead of Econs.
But I've heard that Further Math is highly challenging (and I am always up to a good challenge, or so I think), which means I might end up digging my own grave OR I might end up enjoying myself a lot, regardless of the grades OR both might apply.
However, there's no such subject combination in my college (in the near future - starting college on the 18th).
And a bigger bummer being, I've heard that I am free to choose any subjects (without pre-allocated combinations) in my future college's rival.
Anyway, what is done is done.
I shan't spend time speculating the other road. (But here I am, ranting my heart out.)"

3. Burying myself in endless dramas (made-for-tv dramas, thankfully not my real-life dramas this time xD)

At least Gun Metal Grey isn't as cliched as the past TVB dramas. Garrow's Law : Tales From The Old Bailey has a second season airing now - still good as ever, perhaps better. Babylon Hotel has a second season too - it's been aired years ago, some kind bloke uploaded it. =) Heartfelt thanks! Those two are truly thematic dramas worth watching. The Kite Runner didn't turn out as well, as I continued to watch the second half of the movie. Mr and Mrs Smith is not particularly entertaining, but it will pass as a movie if you have a crappy lifeless life like me right now.

4. Frequenting BBC and NY Times websites for news

Why? Because one, I am just too free and two, I hate being as ill-informed as the guys who thought it were the Vietnamese who bombed Pearl Harbour (refer : my January 1st post). Damn, my posts do not have individual links, I now realise! Maybe I should fix that, considering the fact that my ample amount of leisure time is starting to make me feel like a good-for-nothing. Later for that. For now I am just going to compile all news link here so that I can remove the annoying "Just Any News" file from my computer. (I love deleting virtual stuffs and throwing out real stuffs.) One, BBC NEWS Africa Swazi ritual killing warning. Two, BBC News - Broke Mexicana stewardesses launch racy calendar. Three, BBC News - 'Cage' for autistic Nicolson Institute pupil removed. Four, BBC News - Harry Potter blamed for fuelling India owls' demise. Five, BBC News - Dutch sniff cards to help find cannabis plantations. Six, BBC NEWS South Asia Condoms for Indian porn watchers. Seven, BBC News - The Turkish village blighted by cancer. Eight, Teenage office worker sacked for moaning on Facebook about her 'totally boring' job Mail Online. Nine, BBC News - Why do tall buildings have such silly names. Oh darn, this IS tiring! I figure I'll just stop here since I have 14 more boring days to go.

5. Uploading photos onto Facebook (and here, of course).

Again, because I am simply just.too.free. But as you can see, I am too lazy to label the pictures. So just interpret and relate them to the post yourselves.

6. Saying Ciao! Good day!

P.S. Oh, the Water Chestnut Cake with Osmanthus from Dragon-I, I likey. =) =) =) I have weird taste, I know, in practically everything! Oh, one last thing, credits to foongpc.blogspot.com and wanderlustfoodtravel.blogspot.com for the photos.

Hand-wringing about American culture - Are Americans Hostile to Knowledge?

2011-01-01T22:53:00.002+08:00

A popular video on YouTube shows Kellie Pickler, the adorable platinum blonde from “American Idol,” appearing on the Fox game show “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” during celebrity week. Selected from a third-grade geography curriculum, the $25,000 question asked: “Budapest is the capital of what European country?”
Ms. Pickler threw up both hands and looked at the large blackboard perplexed. “I thought Europe was a country,” she said. Playing it safe, she chose to copy the answer offered by one of the genuine fifth graders: Hungary. “Hungry?” she said, eyes widening in disbelief. “That’s a country? I’ve heard of Turkey. But Hungry? I’ve never heard of it.”

Such, uh, lack of global awareness is the kind of thing that drives Susan Jacoby, author of “The Age of American Unreason,” up a wall. Ms. Jacoby is one of a number of writers with new books that bemoan the state of American culture.
Ms. Jacoby, whose book came out on Tuesday, doesn’t zero in on a particular technology or emotion, but rather on what she feels is a generalized hostility to knowledge. She is well aware that some may tag her a crank. “I expect to get bashed,” said Ms. Jacoby, 62, either as an older person who upbraids the young for plummeting standards and values, or as a secularist whose defense of scientific rationalism is a way to disparage religion.
Ms. Jacoby, however, is quick to point out that her indictment is not limited by age or ideology. Yes, she knows that eggheads, nerds, bookworms, longhairs, pointy heads, highbrows and know-it-alls have been mocked and dismissed throughout American history. And liberal and conservative writers, from Richard Hofstadter to Allan Bloom, have regularly analyzed the phenomenon and offered advice.
But now, Ms. Jacoby said, something different is happening: anti-intellectualism (the attitude that “too much learning can be a dangerous thing”) and anti-rationalism (“the idea that there is no such things as evidence or fact, just opinion”) have fused in a particularly insidious way.
Not only are citizens ignorant about essential scientific, civic and cultural knowledge, she said, but they also don’t think it matters.
She pointed to a 2006 National Geographic poll that found nearly half of 18- to 24-year-olds don’t think it is necessary or important to know where countries in the news are located. So more than three years into the Iraq war, only 23 percent of those with some college could locate Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Israel on a map.
She first got the idea for this book back in 2001, on 9/11.
Walking home to her Upper East Side apartment, she said, overwhelmed and confused, she stopped at a bar. As she sipped her bloody mary, she quietly listened to two men, neatly dressed in suits. For a second she thought they were going to compare that day’s horrifying attack to the Japanese bombing in 1941 that blew America into World War II:
“This is just like Pearl Harbor,” one of the men said.
The other asked, “What is Pearl Harbor?”
“That was when the Vietnamese dropped bombs in a harbor, and it started the Vietnam War,” the first man replied. (Then how else might the Japanese fit into the history? )
At that moment, Ms. Jacoby said, “I decided to write this book.”
Ms. Jacoby doesn’t expect to revolutionize the nation’s educational system or cause millions of Americans to switch off “American Idol” and pick up Schopenhauer. But she would like to start a conversation about why the United States seems particularly vulnerable to such a virulent strain of anti-intellectualism. After all, “the empire of infotainment doesn’t stop at the American border,” she said, yet students in many other countries consistently outperform American students in science, math and reading on comparative tests.
In part, she lays the blame on a failing educational system. “Although people are going to school more and more years, there’s no evidence that they know more,” she said.
Ms. Jacoby also blames religious fundamentalism’s antipathy toward science, as she grieves over surveys that show that nearly two-thirds of Americans want creationism to be taught along with evolution.
Ms. Jacoby doesn’t leave liberals out of her analysis, mentioning the New Left’s attacks on universities in the 1960s, the decision to consign African-American and women’s studies to an “academic ghetto” instead of integrating them into the core curriculum, ponderous musings on rock music and pop culture courses on everything from sitcoms to fat that trivialize college-level learning. (Leave sitcoms alone! xD)
Avoiding the liberal or conservative label in this particular argument, she prefers to call herself a “cultural conservationist.”
For all her scholarly interests, though, Ms. Jacoby said she recognized just how hard it is to tune out the 24/7 entertainment culture. A few years ago she participated in the annual campaign to turn off the television for a week. “I was stunned at how difficult it was for me,” she said.
The surprise at her own dependency on electronic and visual media made her realize just how pervasive the culture of distraction is and how susceptible everyone is — even curmudgeons.

Source : NY Times

P.S. Am addicted to exploring ignorance. LOL. Happy 2011 - have a good year ahead! =) Imma seriously gonna start tagging my posts this time. Trust me, not.

Just for kicks - and I thought the term "Dumb Blonde" was just a common stereotype!

2010-12-31T20:48:00.003+08:00

Came across this very old episode of Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader a few weeks ago at Fox (finally in Malaysia) and hasn't stopped laughing ever since.

I mean, LOL, who hasn't heard of Roadrunner, the annoying bird from Looney Tunes?

"I feel so unpatriotic" Well, it's justifitable that she didn't know all 44 US presidents (43 at that time?) I guess, because Malaysia only has 6 (PMs) and I don't even know the full name of the latest!

"I thought Europe is a country and everyone speaks French."

Oh wow.

The best part? I've watched American Idol Season 5 and had not noticed her. =/

See you next year =)

What is that thing people are afraid of when they are on a roller coaster ride? OH I KNOW, INERTIA! =P

2010-12-29T20:45:00.003+08:00

So it's winter (well, not here) AND the holiday season, which means US dramas are on hiatus and I am left without the thrills from Nikita, sarcasm from The Defenders, more sarcasm from Grey's Anatomy and teen-essential vampire elements from but of course The Vampire Diaries.
And thus off I went searching for movies.
I've always believed that good movies should have equally good titles, well until now that I've watched The Kite Runner, or at least one third of it - my connection got so suckish that I couldn't load so I ended up downloading the e-book of the same title and finished it last night.
(And no thanks to my connection, the movie is still struggling to buffer right now!)
Well, up till now, I think the movie beats the book, which is a first for me.
But who knows.
Maybe the first one-third of the movie is the only part worth-watching.

Earlier when I was in Singapore, I felt like a total idiot running across the road.
Well, the reason being people triumph cars there (and almost everywhere in the world where the residents have brains).
So I ended up feeling pretty embarrassed when I turned around after a "Thank goodness, I've SAFELY crossed the road amidst this hustle bustle of the city!" line in mind and found that everyone was taking his own sweet time dragging his feet across the road.
Well, everyone but ill-informed tourists like myself.
Just to put things in perspective (and to prove that I am not a critic), if I cross the road with that pace in KL, I would definitely have got killed.
In fact, even if I run across the roads in KL, those fucking dorky traffic controllers who are indifferent to human lives could still give false instructions and get me killed.

I am being kind today for using only Dorky. =)
Off.

Less this, less that.

2010-12-19T20:40:00.003+08:00

As hard as I tried to stay positive, streams of dark emotions got the better of me.
As you can see, my writing skills, or rather the overall command of English, have taken a deep plunge into the slum of the locals.
I am out of practice, worn out of energy and exhausted of spirit.
Among the reasons is my inability to embrace changes.
Can time ever stop?
Silly me, I know.
But hasn't any of you wished that time is just like the button on the stopwatch that you can click and click and click and click whenever you need a break.
Then everyone would have been so accomplished, procrastination wouldn't have been frowned upon. the blockbuster The Matrix (which, by the way, I don't at all understand) wouldn't have existed and most importantly, I would have gotten all the breaks I needed.
I am writing this while listening to a suckish version of Beyonce's Listen, which doesn't even begin to explain how I feel right now.
So I am once again forced to watch a marriage fall apart, only to be rebounded forcibly by blackmail, threats and the transformation of a character whom I thought highly of.
Then again, I am hardly of legal age to watch 18-SX rated movies (not to mention porns), so what right do I have to throw my tuppence on this issue?
Certainly none at all.
I am not paragraphing this post with the hope that everything looks vague enough for me to overlook.
I wish I hadn't know this much.
I wish I am just another naive 17-year-old who asks her parents what a blow job is. (No offence - I actually find this amusing.)
But no.
The world is so cruel it is forcing me to grow up.
So apparently at the age of 6, I had to learn that a car could just run you over and wham, you are gone forever. There marks the start of my fear towards Kancils. Funny you may think.
And at the age of 13, I had to learn that even if you clutch or cling your bag the "safe" way, you could still get burglars barging in to your house.
And at the age of 16, I had to learn that Sweet 16 is just another fancy slogan for Hollywood teenage chick flicks to sell and that corruption is running rampant in the country and that with money, you can pretty much cover up all crimes including murder.
The most epic of all?
Since born, I had to endure the lame "Because he is a boy and you are not" tag line, which reminded me that as developed as our civilisations are, our minds still remain third-world.
Like most people, I love contemplating.
If this, if that.
If I was born a farm girl, I would have been happy and not wanted More out of my life if I was not exposed to More.
But now I just want less, which is more unlikely compared to wanting more.
I have found, finally, an artist with some depth.
A rough translation of his quotes is as followed.
"I don't attend circus shows," he went on explaining, "there was once a clown whose performance earned him countless applause and laughter. But one day, he fell from the tightrope and has not gotten any applause or laughter since."
"I am just like a clown. I am currently only focused on walking the tightrope and bringing joy to the audience."
Maybe he's not Albert-Eistein deep but he certainly knows what being an artist is, unlike certain cocky party who stroke their own ego by thinking they are better than everyone else when in reality they are just entertainers who fall into the sector of service, like everyone else.
Defining Albert Einstein's depth, it's something like this.
"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree."
Moving on, I skipped economics extra class because I can't stand cheerleaders with fake accents who, worse still, think they are the know-it-alls.
But I managed to camouflaged it as another "I-have-got-no-transport" case.
I haven't bought my prom dress and I am already broke.
Why did I ever allow myself to be blackmailed to prom?
Ugh.
I love Christina Aguilera's Beautiful.
Ciao.

Medusa's Lair

2010-12-08T22:09:00.004+08:00

So life's been on its trough (refer : amplitude) lately.

And sometimes I feel so down I want to take a stack of plates and smash them one at a time but since they are Ikea, I'll just leave them alone.
Here something for myself :

Activation Energy. (refer : catalyst)

I am pretty studious today.
So there. =)

Some positive vibes for the day.

2010-12-06T21:32:00.001+08:00

Cynicism rocks. =)

Any idiot with a computer and a Wi-Fi
connection can spew hateful, vindictive crap and call it
journalism.
-The Defenders-

You still don't see me writing.

2010-12-06T21:25:00.002+08:00

Never will I, in my life, forget this time, this year.
Go ahead and trample all over me with that haughty attitude of yours.
Just, hold no hope for my forgiveness this other time next year.
I can only say, success is the best revenge and I'm no forgiver.

You don't see me writing, again.

2010-11-27T23:07:00.002+08:00

Apparently mom thinks SPM is more important than Oscar Wilde.
Am trying to achieve an equilibrium between culture and sheer entertainment, therefore the classics and the chick flicks (and the dramas).
What intrigues me is that my Cantonese doesn't seem to improve, even in the slightest way, despite all those HK dramas.
Maybe I should audio-blog in Cantonese.
Ciao.

P.S. It's the sugar rush from the honey peach flavored pearl tea.

You don't see me writing.

2010-11-26T12:00:00.002+08:00

Malay was surprisingly easy, which worried me, considering the possibility of a rise in the acing bar.
English was commonly local. Oh and I wrote my first factual! If I get a B for growing up, let me! =D
History was um, shall I say, a surprise - an unpleasant one.
Summary ends here.

So it's the exam season again, which translates into a More-Movies period.
I've been watching The Apprentice, Season 10.
Why wasn't David the impulsive complainer the first one to be fired?!
And also TVB's Every Move You Make, yet another "coincidental resemblance" of the US drama Lie To Me.
When Bowie Lam came up with the word "Microexpression", my WTFs couldn't help themselves.
But, as expected, the love scene count in the HK version is nil, at least up to the episode I'm currently watching.
Also it deals with much simpler cases, eliminating the Interpol, terrorism and international spying activites altogether.
Why am I not surprised.

I could use some ice cream.
Ciao.

For My Own Amusement =)

2010-11-04T21:30:00.003+08:00

Squirrels are adorable.

2010-11-04T14:44:00.006+08:00

I am trying to accumulate endorphins for SPM, just like how squirrels collect walnuts and store them in the holes of the tree trunks before winter.

So yesterday night I was (still) agonizing over the facts that I do not have a near-perfect memory and that I can't write a piece of intellectual essay in English.
Then I decided to pull an all-nighter to cram all the almost-useless facts into my not-little head to ace SPM to address the former fact. (As for the solution to the latter, later!)
Needless to say, me being the pig I always am, the cramming session failed miserably.
I started to yawn at 11.30pm (yes, that early!) and at 12.30am, I was defeated by Sleepiness.
Anyway, I got pretty distracted halfway through the cramming session and started shooting photos.

Human Skeletal System. Though not well-drawn (yes, a euphemism), it was labelled in the most detailed way possible, for my standard!

Proof of study. =)

Artificial colourings don't work as stimulants. Now I know that.

Neither does Lipton.

My camera is as colour blind as me in the dark - the lamp IS bright red, not pink.

At one point, my cell switched off automatically and the dim atmosphere amplified the creepiness so I switched the fluorescent light back on.

So this is why my room is often invaded by cockroaches. Anyway, I think my room is comparatively neat.

Yoohoo, again. =)

To compensate for my lack of intellectual bones, here, here, here and here.

That's all for now.

Worn out from studying locomotion,

Yi Lin.

Ranting increases endorphins. =)

2010-11-03T14:32:00.017+08:00

One of the many commonly-held misconceptions of mine is that short women have an added advantage when it comes to wearing killer heels because of their (my) relatively low centres of gravity.
This theory, however true it might be for others, doesn't apply for me.

I tried on these really cute ankle boots last Sunday and couldn't even stand without holding onto something, so let alone walk.

Since I'm (somewhat) realistic, I only drool on ankle boots I can get from the local stores.

Nose.

Vincci.

I don't know why but I think blue shoes are cool. LOL.

Anyway, I don't buy shoes I'm not comfortable in, so I sticked to sandals, again and again.

I tried to feel guilty for forking out 120 whole bucks for footwear in a single day but failed.

Way to go, future shopaholic.
I bet I am going to go bankrupt buying cute, yet unnecessary, stuffs in the future.
Technically, it's not my fault - the mentality of every human-being on Earth is to be blamed.
After purchasing something, typical consumers tend to check out more products under the same category to make sure they made the most out of a deal.
And sometimes amidst these deep scrutinies, they find something better.
Thus there goes more money and comes more "better products".
And just for the record, I bought the punk-looking one first.
Shoe talk ends here.

The much-anticipated episode finale of Sungkyungkwan Scandal was finally out at 3pm.
No more Song Joong Ki after today? =[

By the way, my super-long college list is reduced into this : Sunway, Taylor's, Help, Methodist KL and KDU.
Air ventilation in the canteen suddenly chips in and becomes one of the major
deciding factor, alongside with accessibility, fees and lecturers. LOL.
Btw, how am I going to convince Mom that Edexcel A-levels are as reputable as Cambridge A-levels?
I guess she passed me the stubborn gene.
Ugh.

Oh, one last rant. (Don't believe this.)
The Maid hates me, apparently, for the whole me-being-a-report-hippie thingy.
Long story, no elaboration intended.
The door-slammings and the glares are almost tolerable, but what freaks me out the most is the constant chanting of a few words in foreign language, probably Javanese or Sundanese (since I'll might have understood them, albeit under the very very thick accent, if they were in Indonesian, which is very similar to Malay).
I don't believe in curses because if they do work, 99% of the population would have been wiped out because nobody pleases everyone, I guess.
And that 1% is reserved for super nice people who haven't a trace of malignancy and therefore don't curse.

I guess I am kind of xenophobic, after all. =p

Still, I am not used to pissing people off - I just back stab in this blog instead, for less damage and, not to forget, my safety!

A little over a year ago, I aspired (yes, it IS a tall dream!) to be 155cm, vertically, not horizontally.
How pathetic it is to realise that I will be 154 for as long as negative growth doesn't start. =C

I went to the doctor for an ingrown toenail which was further infected with contaminated seawater and sand from, well, Some Place. (I figure a lot people love beaches, and I wouldn't want to kill their enthusiasm.)
Hint : I think I've mention that people actually displace their food waste (a mixture of rendang and nasi biryani) into the seawater in Some Place.
I was being paranoid for completing the course of antibiotics the doctor prescribed, I know.
But whatever.
Dying of an infected toenail is way more whimsical than taking antibiotics for an infected toenail.
Well, to tell the truth, I think I was far from dying, though. xD

This is the less sarcastic version already. (Yeah yeah, it sounds ironic but I actually edited it.)
I don't mind looking haggard - as long as I have the desire, even the slightest, to study.
I am already studying A-level Economics before preparing for SPM.
How bad is it?
Argh, why am I always this impatient and easily distracted?
Ciao.

Hoping to revert back to the bookish self - even just for one day,
Yi Lin.

dans la matinée.

2010-11-02T13:18:00.005+08:00

I had a bad morning, or a cockroachy one.

In order to dodge a cockroach, I crashed into a middle-sized storage box with after bumping into the two unused table lamps which I got for my birthday.

It was pretty painful, but fortunately there's no visible bruises, at least as of now.

Pain aside, mom actually called me a freak for running away from a cockroach. Lol.

To think about it, the whole scenario was actually quite hilarious, and possibly very stupid.

The effing creature is probably still creeping around my room and having the time of its life.

I vow I am going to kill it, with whichever unlucky book in hand, the minute I reach home (provided that it doesn't chase after me again).

So there's this incident that triggered an action of mine, which has caused tugs at my conscience, constantly and repeatedly.

I am not guilty for that but sometimes I just can't help feeling guilty.

This is the only bearable photo taken on my graduation day.

I know I look narcissistic (or rather, we all do) but I can assure you I was blind as a bat without my glasses.

So that's definitely not the overconfident look.

And I can stand this photo because obviously you can't see my sad eyebrows and my tiny beady eyes in it.

Done crapping.

Till then.

Graduation Day.

2010-10-30T21:53:00.003+08:00

Gotcha! Not writing about it now.

So I finally mustered enough courage to tell Mom that I failed the scholarship app, and instead of getting some form (any form) of consolation or a teeny bit of sympathy, I was criticized from hair to the epithelial layer of my feet, ie. from head to toe, to the prim and proper ones.
I've had quite enough.
Through the study of genetics in biology classes, I am *quite sure* that it takes at least one of the parents with an IQ of 200 to produce a genius. Or not (I might be wrong).
Truth apart, why can't you just accept the fucking fact that I am not one?
So you had, what, flunked maths in your primary schooling years and you are not even grateful to have produced an offspring who is one of the school representatives in mathematics competitions during her primary schooling years?
Keep away from me, both you and your high expectations!

I am mean now, and heck cares.
Not many people read this anyway.
Venue : Facebook Chat
Time : Just a little while ago

It went like this.
C : Hi
Me : Hey.
Still me : I graduated today.
C : Ok.
Me again : OK for what?
C : No la.
Me : I 毕业 today.
C : Oo. 恭喜你.
Me : Thx.
C : Hahax

Is this the first post in which I adopt the use of Chinese Mandarin characters? xD
There's always Google translate. *winks*

BTW, why was I so blind?????
He is wayyyyyyy hotter!!
Argh.

Oh, I just realise by jumbling up the alphabets in my crush's name and rearranging them afterwards, you will end up with my stalker's name! :D :D :D :D

Le Petit Prince

2010-10-28T16:16:00.005+08:00

How did we meet
A bookish, yet typical, ten-year-old, I set out to the bookstore hunting for (more) fairy tales. Its misleading (it's in Mandarin, so perhaps the illustrator ~~didn't~~ had never read the book) cover, on which laid an image of a prince and a princess, caught my eyes. I bought it.

The process
Not long after, I realised it's not at all a fairy tale but a compilation of unposted cynical notes meant for adults. Being the Chinese schoolgirl who thought that nothing but academic excellence mattered, I didn't understand the importance of the rose back then. I reread the book a couple of days ago and I figured that the saying that "everyone reads his/her own definition (definitions, actually, considering how we think differently at different phases in our life) in a story" is not cliched but actually true. I am not planning to read the English edition since the original work was in French, not English. Someday I am going to master French and read the original version to recapture the essence of the story in its original language (almost) completely.

The story
A plane wrecked pilot met The Little Prince in the Sahara desert who changed his perception towards life. I think Antoine de Saint-Exupéry was an organised hedonist - ambitious yet not uptight and knew perfectly what he was living for. Then again, maybe it was just the persona of the story. Or, it's just me.

My point is ..
To be honest, I don't really have one. I write and stop writing at the expense of my own pleasure or agony or the other millions of emotions that I feel but am not aware of. The book is definitely more than just another fable for children. Everyone, especially uptight people, should read it.

"Feathers filled the small room. Our laughter kept the feathers in the air. I thought about birds. Could they fly if there wasn't someone, somewhere, laughing?"
— Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)
So loosen up, people. Let the birds fly! =)

The image of an elephant within a boa constrictor, which adults ~~dismissed~~ dismiss as a distorted hat.

The one who ~~brought~~ brings about changes.

Tamed fox, true friend.

Resembles a little like the encounter between Jesus and Satan, not? =)

The Unique Rose.

The baobab trees that The Little Prince was busy removing to save his planet.

Pictures speak louder than a botched synopsis.
So there.

Yours,
Ever the Quaint.

=]

2010-10-28T16:09:00.002+08:00

So I spent the whole afternoon editing html codes.
And I even managed to solve the mess I've caused!
I don't care if this makes me sound like a computer geek (a statement which MIT students will strongly object to) - I am so darned proud that I am beaming!
=)
Now I can post several posts in a day (not that I want to - fine, I do, a little.) without having my previous titles overlapped by the latest one.
I am quite down and actually somehow disappointed with myself today.
Might elaborate the reason in later posts.
And I said might.
That's all for now.

The World.

2010-10-18T15:47:00.003+08:00

You might have realised that I now blog more frequently. Or not.
I am a little low today. Okay maybe that was an understatement. Or not.
There is a HUGE difference between falsely accusing or benignly chastising.
In fact, the difference is as huge as you!
I don't care if that was mean.
I didn't even think educators can stoop to something that low.
In my fairyland, they are supposed to be the most selfless ones.
And what, is it not enough that you've made me cry?
Now, you have to pick on another one and destroy his self-esteem?

We don't fit in.
We are no natives, second rate, nowhere and everywhere.
Even mainland won't want us back.
Sometimes, I just wonder where home is.

If I were to be typical, this post would have been :
YAY! For the first time, I aced (no minus, just aced) add math and bio. I feel so ~~ecstated~~ happy because SPM post trials mean soooooooooo much to me. I've also done pretty well in chinese, which is ~~inaugural~~ happening for the first time. Again, YAY!

Would you have read this shit? I wouldn't. For one thing, I hate soulless people more than the brainless ones.

Criticising something you can never achieve is not going to change me, but rather you, into a more vicious person.
And I am dedicating this straight to mothers who, on vacations, shout "Son, you have to study harder so that YOU CAN REMAIN IN THE BEST CLASS!" while in SWIMMING POOLS.

Emotions made me. =)

After-effects

2010-10-16T21:28:00.004+08:00

Though not horrifying, it was humiliating to the extreme. Why did I babble, WHY DID I BABBLE? Lol. Even I wanted to laugh at what I've said.
Mom's been super nice. I guess Baskin Robbins' cookies n cream kind of made up for the humiliation I went through. I should have asked for the Mocha Frap. I've been craving for two months, but giving into caffeine right after facing humiliation was not gonna boost my self-esteem.
My laptop also attempted into cheering me up, or rather, making me forget about the embarrassment I've faced. Or "maybe" I am hallucinating, thanks to C. (You know yourself!) So I was watching Gossip Girl - S4E4, and the message "A problem has occurred and has to shut down now" appeared right after Nate said "She's a prostitute!". Lol. It's like my laptop was being a prude who can't stand the mention of whores.
The plastic bag's damn ironic. If it were not for those damned plastic bags, there would have been more REAL trees!
Good day! =)

Of stage fright and stage fright and stage fright and stage fright and stage fright.

2010-10-15T21:27:00.003+08:00

Clarice (2nd exception of name-quoting), in reply of your message, I hate the GREEN of the fish!!
Oh, and I want your panda, I want your panda, I WANT YOUR PANDA!
Lol.
Pardon me for this post.
I feel a great need to do something embarrassing now so that I can feel less humiliated tomorrow.
Ah damn.
I can never overcome this phobia.
Even after reading about the "newfeeling" article in Reader's Digest some time ago.
It felt inspiring back then, but now, it's just plain useless!
Ugh!!
Am still not embarrassed enough.
Anyone mind to embarrass me?
And why aren't there new episodes of Vampire Diaries and Nikita as Fridays usually offer?
UGH!
Lousy Friday.
I don't care if it's scientifically untrue but I am gonna die of embarrassment and humiliation and hyperventilation and excessive sweating and hyperthermia and possibly stupidity and ignorance.
After tomorrow, I am gonna regret that I wrote this.
But.
HECK CARES.

Des Paires

2010-10-14T18:16:00.008+08:00

I know the title sounds like "despair" but heck cares.

Yesterday my gastrointestinal tract gave me THE hell of my day.

Today the renovators next door did.

Mom and I came home finding our house packed with concrete wastes.

Cement dusts killed the aloe vera plant whilist nails almost punctured the tyres.

That made me feel like I was at some long-abandoned, fast-collapsing construction areas.

Oh, not to forget the plastic wrappers (for food) and empty drink cartons.

Certainly NOT abandoned, then.

Anyway.

Finally, I am posting something (somehow) related to my post title.

These amused me. How can two individuals who don't know each other at all think so similarly?

If only brightness is directly proportional to brilliance. x)

Now the pink YooHoo gets a partner who shrieks "YooHoo!" (or at least so I think) when squeezed. Aww, how sweet. =)

Chocs! xD

Japanese cookies and candies! xD

(Glad that my fondness of tamago boro is well-known!)

More chocs! And earrings and ... correction tape?

Am I the only one who thinks it's a weird combination?

Since I am (self-acclaimed) quite good at fabricating things (mainly in my resume), I shall dub this as a gift of beauty.happiness.academic excellence.

(I wanted to type success, but nah, the ability to cram repeatedly is not even counted as a form of survival skill)

That was a lot exaggerating, so is my resume.

The Necklace. =)

Will roll it twice when I wear it since I am neither slender nor tall. (Nor overweight. - Just in case tall freak reads this and throws "YOU ARE NOT FAT" in my face.)

Notebook. And Stickers. =)

More stickers - Hello Kittys. And a keychain of GREEN fish. x)

(Yes yes, catbomb loves fish. But GREEN?)

The epic birthday note. (Refer below! Ultimately unedited - it's unethical! Except that the smiley faces were initially vertical instead of horizontal. And I left out the signature, and the seemingly unnecessary post script. =p) And the pen Siau Thung promised to give me. (LMAO!)

Oh and I love the GREEN colour of your handmade envelope. =)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOU! =)
Good luck and all the best in
everything you do!
As you wish, a blue yoohoo plush toy for your birhday
present.
Happy? Haha.
It's from me and schew ee. Oh, and the gel pen
I
promised to give one to
you.
Since you used it (10 of it) so fast.
And your drink ah?
Next time when you saw in canteen and remind me la,
then I buy for
you.
If I have money with me that time la. =)
And
hor... no more stories already ar? I wan listen leh..
Anyway, be happy
always! like me. =D
- Siau Thung '10-

Stationery.

A correction tape (so my "heavy usage" of c.t. is quite ubiquitous - are the inverted commas unnecessary?) , a salmon-coloured eraser (since I just lost mine - oh and I love the colour!), a ruler (since I often lose mine), a glue stick (since I borrow glue from her a lot) and a black version of the pen Siau Thung gave me.

I am moved.

It's as though as she picks everything, one by one, to suit me. =)

Anyway, the gift pack was already empty by the time I took this photo (since she gave me right before exam). xD

Loved and love,

Yi Lin

P.S. I am rather touched that everyone remembers the things that I said I wanted. =)

P.P.S. And this IS a story, Siau Thung!

P.P.P.S. Can't thank you guys enough! Hope that you guys enjoy the cookies! (Or at least the cute shapes!)

Perception, perception.

2010-10-02T13:10:00.003+08:00

Isn't the Mystery Bay in TVB drama, A Pillowcase of Mystery a lot like Bermuda Triangle? Hmph.
So I stumbled upon some HK celebrities' website, without the help of StumbleUpon.com, that is. No offence, and I'm not going to quote names either, but why do many of them who graduated from prestigious universities, namely University of Toronto, can't at least write at ease with proper grammar and/or correct spelling?
I wish someone would set up Gloat.com so that over-confident, cocky people can boast all about themselves there without being inconsiderate to others.
Aren't those in favour of world peace necessarily supporters of communism? Ignore me. Too much of Justice with Michael Sandel, apparently. And no, Siau Thung, it's a semi-real life-lecture documentary, not a horror series of serial killers! Maybe I can enlighten all of you to watch it at some point in life, when you are so bored that you don't have a flicker of interest, even the slightest of it, in roller coasters and bungee-jumping? Have a roller-coaster ride of the mind then! =) Here, it's a link to one of the cases in the show. To summarize it, the case, depicting on the rights and/or wrongs of cannibalism, talks about a true case that happened in 1884. So four people (Dudley - captain, Stevens - crew, Brooks - also crew, and Parker a.k.a the poor cabin boy who then got killed and eaten) were washed away in a lifeboat on the 5th of July. They had food, barely enough to sustain their appetite but sufficient to enable them to survive, consisting of turnips and a turtle, that lasted until the 17th. Then on the 24th, the poor cabin boy got into a coma for drinking seawater (dehydration, I think). After approximately a week without food, Dudley and Stephens, desperate, were in unison to kill the cabin boy. Dudley staked him with a penknife while Stehphens held his legs to prevent him from struggling (I thought he was in a coma? Apparently not. Maybe Dudley and Stephens prevaricated the story to make themselves feel better. Or they were trying to dodge a death sentence.). Anyway, according to Wikipedia, Dudley and Brooks consumed the most whereas Stephens ate a little. (Brooks had neither agreed nor objected to kill Parker. But Dudley insisted that he agreed, and I have to believe Dudley on this, considering the fact that he devoured Parker's flesh like a mad wolf.) Later they got rescued. Brooks got away whereas Dudley and Stephens were sentenced to death. (WTF, Brooks the unscrupulous hypocrite freaking got away!) Here onwards, personal opinions. I would have preferred seeing three of them executed together or released together. But letting them get away from murder, albeit for the inevitable necessity of life, will make a precedence in the history of law, not to mention the exploitation of the law for diabolical murder schemes by the future evoluted smarter generations. Whatever.
Now that you have something to ponder on rather than reading my craps, shoo! =)

R, again.

2010-09-29T15:52:00.002+08:00

I am sooooooo ecstated - I passed Physics!
More than passed, in fact.
I was short of 1 freaking mark to an A-.
Still. =)
So my trials results are finalised, with 2 B+, both of which are 69 in marks. >.<
Ahhh, freaking one mark(s)!
Whatever.
I am happy.

S20 - H.B! (To : M.F.C.)

2010-09-25T22:51:00.004+08:00

Being eccentric once in a while keeps me in touch with humanity.
It kind of reminds me that I am a 17YO breathing teenager instead of just another living organism made up of cells on Earth, although we know the truth very well.
Like creating my email address and ending up getting embarrassed every thing someone asks about it - it just sounds freaking full of yourself (myself) when answering with words like "cutie" and "Eileen" together and it does not even matter if you are forcibly uttering them out because people are going to laugh anyway.
So much for the McDonald's treat I got from accomplishing The dare.
Still, without embarrassment, I don't feel human.
And last Friday, out of boredom yet again I guess, I turned my post trials English essay (an informal letter) into a corny note not meant to be sent out.
"Shouting as loud as your voice box can afford to be might save your life and your handbag."
Erm yes.
Eileen "Prim and Proper (during exams, and pretty much most of the time)" Ooi Yi Lin freaking wrote that.
I wanted to write "Modesty is not at all important when survival is of top priority" but it sounded way too cynical.
Anyway, the essay was about preventing snatch thefts.
Oh, and I wanted to use the scientific term for voice box but I wasn't sure if it was pharynx or larynx or even those two terms at all.
"The middle-aged woman standing next to you might just be aiming hard at your handbag."
I wrote that too.
But I guess it didn't bring out much effect because initially I meant to write "The plump, seemingly clumsy-looking woman standing next to you might just an agile mugger who is aiming hard on your handbag." but, then again, I didn't want to be too discriminating.
No puns intended!
I could have sticked to typical rebellious teenage acts like wearing my skirt three inches shorter or dying my hair but I think the first one way too slutty and as for the latter, EW, THE DAMN AMMONIA!
Yeah, so there.
Ciao!

P.S. I promise that this will be the only childishly-coded blog post title for the year. =)

What's with the WhateverS? I DON'T KNOW!

2010-09-18T20:58:00.003+08:00

Isn't it miraculous?
I have not written for 15 days.
If this blog is a drug, then I would have been the heroic bad-girl-gone-good ex-drug addict.
Sadly, it isn't a drug, but rather an antidote to sorrow, so technically I've not been missing my many doses of medicine.
My metaphorical skills (if I ever had them in the first place) have gone nuts.
Whatever.

Holidays are meant to be unproductive so I shouldn't feel too guilty for doing nothing apart from countless repetitive routines of sleeping and eating.
Yes, that's me prevaricating everything just to suit myself.
Holidays, to me, signify lots and lots AND LOTS of family dramas.
Unexpectedly, my trip to Port Dickson went quite well.
Albeit a little rants, there weren't any fucking foul tempers to endure.
The rest of the days, well, are unfortunately "just like old days", with the injection of sexism here and there, extra loads of household chores and most insufferably, the usage of "fuck" and other obscene words in practically every sentence (and I can assure you that I am most certainly not exaggerating anything).
He is beginning to resemble him.
Whatever.

I have a pretty mild temper, I now realise, compared to the crazy blend of family members of mine.
I REALLY prefer saying "long temper". =pppp (For nuts who can't get this joke, refer : short-tempered)
Whatever.

I have a scholarship interview on the 16th next month.
And none of my BFFs is going to be there!
I am so going to die of hyperventilation or stage fright or dehyration caused by excessive sweating or choking of air or...
Whatever.

I am going to survive, with the help of some positive vibes. =)
Ciao.

P.S. I just needed to write, so pardon me for the craps.

Piece of Mind for Peace of Mind.

2010-09-03T21:41:00.005+08:00

After not writing for 5 days, there is pretty much to be unloaded here.
It's called detoxification (read : getting the craps out of my head).
So I am down with the flu, real heavy.
So heavy that my voice has gone down to a lower baseline.
And antibiotics won't work since flu is viral, not bacterial.
If you are about to say "Cut the crap", don't.
Because as you probably know, all I ever do here is crapping.

So I have Googled someone's name to find his blog.
Who he is is beside the point.
Instead of getting what I expected, I landed on a 21YO local female's blog.
One of her posts caught my attention.
In that post, she took several shots of a car that hit her car and cursed the driver quite blatantly.
But it's the phrase "Son of THE Bitch" that intrigued me. (Of course, she didn't CAPS the word THE - I am merely trying to make a point.)
I was almost tempted to leave a "Do you even know who THE bitch is?!" comment but didn't do so because I was instantly reminded that I am not born to be a bitch myself.
Though, obviously, I often forget that.

So I am not being unappreciative here, but I remember that the movie synopses in Chinese websites are quite misleading sometimes.
The movies, as it turns out, are somewhat a lot different from the synopses themselves.
Maybe they translated the synopses?
Oh, and in an episode of Vampire Diaries, if I am not mistaken, somewhere in between the subtitle, the guy who prepares the subtitle left a "What is Bing?" message because there's a dialogue that goes "So I Binged about...".

Out of the five mistakes in my essay, three of them were prepositional mistakes.
Ouch.
And I read a 43 essay and thought that I deserve a 35 rather than a 42.
Ouch ouch.

I used to think of Einstein and his hair when the word "Crazy" is mentioned.
And I still do.
I used to think that "die" is just a wrong spelling for "dice" and recently someone is kind enough to point out that it's the plural of it, with the first it being "die" and the second "dice".
I used to mispell and mispronounce lots of words.
Eg, I used to spell "soap" as "soup" and pronouce "compete" as "com-pet".
I used to do and think a lot of things, which I still do.

Off.

P.S. I am flattered that you love my craps. =)

R.

2010-08-28T21:49:00.004+08:00

I write better using a pen, compared to a keyboard.
I forgot to bring in September's copy of Reader's Digest Asia that I found in the mailbox before going out for dinner. Now that the door's locked (with 3 padlocks on the wooden door and another 3 on the door grill - no kidding), I, being in my shoes, feel like the copy of RD.
Pardon me for the metaphor. JSF's mania. =)
Monday. Monday. Dong Yi. Dong Yi.
Off.
Back. The neurons won't stop connecting.
I started a handwritten journal just yesterday. Unless you count the 8-page fucking emotional piece that I have written over half a year (or more, pardon my memory) ago, I don't really keep a handwritten one. But reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close has made me do so because there are so many witty stuffs in that book, so many that I could not keep track of without jotting them down somewhere. And the book made me wonder why I did ever read (and LOVED!) Mary Kate and Ashley's Sweet 16 or books like that.
So the wedding planner (long story, insufficient time - Mom's unplugging the cable in 10 minutes aka bro's curfew and I am known to be watching dramas instead of writing in this blog, or rather, this nonexistent blog) was like "Wah, you are reading English arr.. I feel faint when it comes to English - too much grammar." And I thought he is English-educated 'cause he speaks accurate Mandarin, which is rare (and unnatural) amongst us Malaysian Chinese.
Poof. For Real.

Je ne rentre pas dans la chaussure, métaphoriquement.

2010-08-27T21:40:00.002+08:00

La raison pour laquelle je suis en utilisant des métaphores et en français est évident - que mon espace a été envahi.
Ainsi, S'IL VOUS PLAÎT rester anonyme.
Je baise la haine de la chaussure.
Don't feel like ranting any further.
Ciao.

To : People who didn't enjoy the (semi)intellectual materials in my previous post.

2010-08-26T20:47:00.007+08:00

My sense of humor is often underappreciated. For example, when I say "stalkers are the second worst thing that can happen to one in his/her life, right next to the lack of ice cream", the reply I got was only "i do not know what the hell you talking? ". Thus, there marks the failure of me trying to cheer somebody up.
I feel like banging my head against the wall right now so hard that it loses its senses so that the generation gap AND communication obstacle between my little 11-year-old cousin brother and I MIGHT be improved. I choked on water when he asked "what's duwan" and choked on air when he asked "what's drama". And now I don't even know if "on" is the right preposition to be used.
I still don't know why they pronounce "semi" as "sam-mai" in Grey's Anatomy.
If ignorance is bliss, being brainless is more blissful, perhaps?

Of (Interesting) Blend of People.

2010-08-25T20:43:00.004+08:00

So they've concealed the truth.
It's either that or it's just my stupid connection.
I still managed to read it - by swift action of copying and pasting it into Microsoft Word - anyway.
That's what politics is, isn't it?
Power triumphs everything, even lives.

By the way, in relation to the title of my post (though they almost never relate to my craps), I saw one guy leaving a "Blame the Americans" comment in (is "in" the right word? Gawd I SUCK in Prepositions!) CBS News website.
That's Type No.1.

A Type No.2 told me "stupid Obama is supporting the construction of Park51 (or more known as Ground Zero mosque)".
Apparently Donald Trump and the first Muslim Miss USA are against it.
I have a hunch that she HAD to oppose it, but considering that my hunches aren't exactly accurate (in fact, not at all), take my words as craps.
NY mayor supported it, and again, my hunch tells me he HAD to.
LOL.
So much for the acts of sensitivity or the other way round.

Whatever.
RIP 823 victims.
And enjoy Vampire Sucks, Miley Cyrus! (But I don't think you will, since you are pratically an opposer of anything that isn't all about you.)
In an ending tone, Miley Cyrus is Type No.1 whereas people who think Iraqians are all abominable terrorists just because of a small portion of the people fall into Type No.2.
I belong to neither - 'cause I'm crappy, bitchy and cynical.
As cliche as this sounds - love me for who I am (I know a Type No.2 person who doesn't)!
=)
Off to watch Dong Yi. (Why is there only 2 episodes per week? And why the extension? Not that I hate extensions, just that having 2 more months to go before the (happy?) ending is torturous to the extreme!)
Ciao!

P.S. I heart Mark Twain for his quotes.
P.P.S. Here. Cynical, with a touch of humor. I am beginning to like the blog and will definitely stalk it. BTW, what a shame. I've never read The Red Pony, and am far too old to read it by now. They should have let us read East of Eden or Of Mice and Men in school instead of The Pearl!

I Met A Jerk Yesterday.

2010-08-21T17:25:00.004+08:00

In the fruit store next to Patisfrance.
Race unknown, as his tone was too dark for me to figure out.
He FUCKING spit the seed of a duku langsat on my bare foot - I was wearing a pair of ~~beach thongs~~ flip-flop! (The word "thong" kind of gives the wrong impression.)
As much as I would like to shout SON OF A BITCH, I just glared at him.
And he FUCKING turned away and looked around as if "Kid, you can look as long as you want, but I won't entertain you" was the only thing in his mind.
I didn't (and shall never) get over it, still I went next door to treat myself with some gelato anyway.
There's no point at getting mad when someone's not even guilty.
Then the best part came.
When I was returning to Mom's car, he walked out of the fruit store.
As he turned and saw me glaring at him, he gasped and dropped his fruits.
LOL.
What a coward.
Serves him right anyway.
The only word in my mind at that very moment : KARMA!
If I were to define civilisation, it's just a place inhabited by anyone, even animals, who has enough money to afford a house.
How I wish the literal meaning is actually taken from the word itself.
But that's not going to happen, is it?
So, I can only wish for more Karma for more jerks.

Am addicted to Dong Yi's OST.
I am kind of vintage when it comes to music.
Take Sweet About Me and Our Song for instance.
By the way, they say listening to baroque music when you study somehow helps improve your academical results.
I wouldn't know if it's true, but at least it reduces distraction, considering the fact that I don't concentrate easily unless all my senses are occupied.
So I eat, breathe and stuff my ears with earphones and leave my eyes as the only free sensory organ whenever I TRY to study.
Ciao.

P.S. I chose Dong Yi drama marathon over a shopping spree in Times Square. Don't doubt me - it OBVIOUSLY is the better choice.

Of Giving A Damn To Faces. =)

2010-08-17T16:33:00.004+08:00

The photos are finally realigned.
And I pulled through Bio and Chemistry papers.
And I placed a new Blog Counter because I just realised that my previous one is a non-repeat one and I used to babble without "social conscience" because I thought nobody (or at least only the few ones I know) is gonna read this anyway.
And then I clicked on Flag Counter.
And looking at the number 27, I, not being the attention whore, as always, freaked out.
And faces started to race through my mind.
Amy's judgemental look, Betty's hunting-for-something-hilarious expression, Carol's and Danielle's curious-about-teenagers-nowadays faces flew in altogether.
Oh, and not to forget, my horrified face.
And Cousie Emily's you-swear-a-lot-in-your-blog look, too!
The names are made up, of course, because since some time ago, which I frankly do not know when, I stopped quoting names.
And I overuse ANDs as sentence connectors.
And view my birthday wishlist, SIAU THUNG because you know, you ought to pay me for making you laugh so much - though I think your sense of humor is kind of abnormal, considering the fact that after rereading my posts, I don't even WANT to laugh. (Not so much about not quoting names, after all.)

I wept yesterday after Mom said something cruel to me.
I was only washing a few Tupperwares in the kitchen and she started scolding me for spilling water on the floor (me being the clumsy me, of course, and the DAMNED container had TWO OPENINGS! WTF WTF. BLAME THE DARNED TUPPERWARE!).
To think about it, as much as I wanted to, I didn't even fight back.
Instead I bent down to wipe off the spilled water and she didn't stop.
"I have endured you long enough.", "Why do you always mess things up?", etc etc.
And when I stood up to squeeze water off the table cloth, she raged and shouted, "That's all? So you just leave that puddle of water on the floor?!" (CAPS the sentences in your heads yourselves. Too lazy to retype.)
I did actually plan to wipe the floor again.
And to justify myself, there wasn't even a puddle of water!
And water dries up!
WTF.
I was so pissed off and yet all I said was "It's only a water spill." in a carefully restrained soft voice. (God, I am so darned good in manipulating emotion, for the first 5 seconds of a dispute, I mean. =pppp)
Then she went like, "I'm not saying only about this. I've watched you for a long time.", only in a more furious tone.
And then while trying to hold back my tears, I shut my mind from the rest of her words so only God knows what else she said.
So I went into my room and wept and wept and wept and sang.
Er yes, I SANG. (Laugh all you want, stalkers!)
Singing and plucking the guitar are like the ultimate endorphins.
And yes, I am this lachrymose who can't take criticism or humiliation that I don't deserve.
I don't cry when someone criticise me because of my wrongdoings.
I cry when someone goes on further to abate me and blame me with more untrue accusations, like that fucking bitch who accused me of plagiarism in one class and called me a lachrymose who can't take failure and doesn't deserve to be her student in another.
Oh yeah, I AM DYING TO BE YOUR STUDENT.
And don't you dare try to foster "a close student-teacher relationship" with me after I have proved myself worthy in VARIOUS exams.
I feel nauseous every time you call me "Yi Lin" in that freaking tone and sicker when you said "Thank you, I love you!" that very time.
If you didn't call me a failure, I might have forgiven you already.
IF ONLY. (It's too bad I am actually way better off without you, eh?)
No I haven't got over it and never will I until she freaking apologizes, which she probably won't unless hell freezes over.
So, I am going to freaking remember her as a failing model of a teacher along with another male teacher in primary school (different story, but with the same ending : success being the best revenge!)

I know I know, I sound very smug right now.
But I can't stand the way people think they can just go around stereotyping and judging and insulting people in public and get away with it.
From my experience, nothing hurts more than emotional torture.

Sorry for the volcanic eruption.
And to everyone who reads this, visiting this blog doesn't give you the rights to discuss my personal life with me.
You can quote embarrassing things I have said in my blog back on my face, but just do not interfere with my life. (Except you, SIAU THUNG! =) Not because you are reliable, but because you actually cheer me up by turning my dramatic life into a series of hilarious events. Yeah, I admitted it - you make me happy too. So now that we are even, you don't have to pay me! You still owe me a drink for beating my Accounts score!)
And I am so sick of giving in to everything even though "life's unfair" is already a cliche.

P.S. To anyone who wishes to criticise, please leave witty comments instead of "You are a bitch!" because hell yeah, I KNOW I AM!

Bluntness kills (me).

2010-08-16T15:49:00.003+08:00

Allow me take back everything I have said before this about hypocrites.
I am contradicting my old self here because I realise that people who cannot go one day without using insults as the basis of the elevation of their self-esteems can do more damage to the world than people who pretends to be civilised.
So yeah, put on your masks people!
=)

I spent last weekend finishing Cougar Town and Gossip Girl.
Serves me right for not having any drama to watch now.
Watch Sex and The City 2 and Remember Me as well.
Ended up explaining the entire plot of Remember Me to Mom whose only conclusion after watching the movie is "The girl grew up." (which was true, but it happened within the first 5 minutes of the movie) and who didn't know how Robert Pattinson's character died.
It's one of those movies that you think will leave you reminiscing for about weeks or tops three months but, trust me, it's gonna haunt you for a lifetime.
And not because it is particularly touching or delivers an intriguing message.
It just will.
Transferred Sex and The City 2 into Mom's pen drive last night but on second thoughts, I am going to remove the file before she watches it today.
In fact, it's the first thing I am going to do when I return home later.
After watching it, I deemed it inappropriate for family watching (as in : all the family members watching the same movie).
I am positive that Mom being the Mom who doesn't even approve of embracing in public, she is going to check through every movie I watch in the future.
I am just gonna pretend I didn't hear her say "I want to watch SATC 2." after watching the behind-the-scene of that movie.
I think the movie was kind of hilarious period.
Biology and Chemistry together again tomorrow.
Lucky for me, no Economics!

I wrote a pompous essay last week and I am still feeling bad about it.
Sugarcoating sentences with adjectives after adjectives is lame Yi Lin, not crappy Yi Lin.
=/

Off to sleep,
Lame Yi Lin.

P.S. Photobucket frustrates me. I resized the photos and they just won't shrink! Great, now they are all out of scales.

Darned Grateful.

2010-08-14T12:22:00.003+08:00

It will not be exaggerating to say that I'm eternally grateful that the trials start and end within August because guess what.
(You are supposed to ask "What?" or make a guess when someone says Guess what?" - a lot of dorks don't do that and THAT frustrates me much.)
This fall, there will be LOTS of season premiere - GG season 4, Grey's Anatomy season 7, Cougar Town season 2, Glee season 2, Vampire Diaries season 2!
I wish we have autumn here.
Heart the reddish-brown dawn-like view. =)

Yesterday. Tomorrow. History. Future. Same difference.

2010-08-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was one of those days where everything went wrong. (This sentence has been lingering in my head for two whole days.) But I guess today was too.
To start with, I stayed up from Wednesday night till 1 in the morning yesterday, which was quite a record for me, considering the fact that I love sleeping so much (too much, actually), because I was having three important (in my opinion, of course) papers yesterday, id est (God, I am loving Latin in too strange a way!) biology, chemistry and economics.
That very morning, I spilt my entire bottle of water on my school uniform.
Fine, that was quite an understatement.
Let's just say my bottle toppled over and a freaking whole bottle of 800ml of water was soaked into my highly-absorbent skirt.
If what they say about how a good head start ensures success is true, then uh-uh, I was definitely flunking that day.
So I went to school with my skirt drenched in dampness.
Great.
Back to the papers, I pulled through the science subjects just fine but I think I probably flunked economics or might just have passed it by luck.
I didn't really have the time to revise the Form 5 syllabus so I figured I had a high possibility of passing by merely mastering the syllabus in Form 4 since there are 5 essay questions to pick 3 from, where 2 of which are USUALLY of the Form 4 syllabus.
And sadly that was not the case.
The 3-part questions combine syllabi of both forms and I was doomed.
I could answer the first part of all the questions but unfortunately the scoring system has no loopholes : I have to pick 3 AND ONLY 3 questions.
And on top of the I-am-already--flunking frustration, I realised that I informed my transporter of the wrong time to pick me up from school amidst sitting for my economics paper and thus was only left with 45 minutes to answer 3 essay questions.
Talk about a bad day.
And barely after midnight this morning (I have no idea what's the right word to use 'cause I can't use DAWN as there's no sunlight right after midnight), I had to hide in my sheets for half an hour to dodge an insect!
Laugh all you want but I assure you, it's not some little bug, but rather a huge moth.
You are still laughing. Fine.

Oh God.
Life is like physics - both of them are things that I don't understand, never have and never will ,I guess.
But wait, life is dramatic whilst physics is not, which makes me anticipate life and definitely NOT physics.
Whatever.
I could never make up an apt metaphor for anything.
Gosh I see that moth again. And it's not a moth! Now I am being paranoid, can't write further!
Till then!

This.Is.So.Typical.

2010-08-10T20:36:00.003+08:00

Ready with thoroughly (well,not quite) memorized Accounts formats, you eagerly anticipated the question paper to be distributed.
But instead, the teacher distributed the answer sheets first.
Oops, instead of 2 ledger sheets, 1 journal sheet and 1 cash book sheet, she distributed 1,1,2 of the mentioned sheets respectively.
And at that moment you were doomed.
You asked yourself, WHY ARE THERE TWO CASH BOOK SHEETS?!
You started to consider the possibility of a question on petty cash book.
AND you realised you could not recall a thing about it!
You started exchanging worried looks with your friends.
And lucky for you, a smarty pants who was seated in front of you told you the format.
Oh, the story hasn't ended quite yet.
This is when the most frustrating part comes about : "Oh sorry! I am supposed to give all of you 2 ledger sheets, 1 journal sheet and 1 cash book sheet!"
In the end, you ended up forgetting all the Accounts formats.
OH MAN I FREAKING HATE ACCOUNTS!
I was writing in the second person's point of view because someone thinks it's hilarious and therefore love it. =)
And I was even writing in the first place because I have Writing tomorrow.
Anyway, my vocabulary goes in deep hibernation during exam.
I always have this "EXAMoPHOBIA" that stops me from crapping in my Writing paper because unlike this blog, someone is actually going to JUDGE that paper! =/
I also have History tomorrow, which is why I should sign off now.
Ciao.

Of Myocardial Infarction (Sorry, too much Bio!)

2010-08-09T20:39:00.002+08:00

Zeeeeeee, if you are reading this, I have one question : Are you obsessed with writing gay stories?
I almost had a heart attack at the part in which Ron and Harry (yes, stalkers, that Harry!) made out in the bushes! >.<
Somehow it's REALLY hard to conjure up the image of Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint kissing in my head.
I had Add Maths AND Accounts tomorrow. Double death!
Ciao.

The World Laughs with Me.

2010-08-03T20:28:00.003+08:00

In this month's Asian version of Reader's Digest, there's an article entitled Shortness Linked To Cardiovascular Diseases, or something similar to that.
It says that males under 165cm and females under 153cm are more vulnerable to heart diseases.
That was when I went like "Phew, I am 154cm!"
=p

P.S. Trial exams start next week. Now I feel like Physics is some sort of volcano that I willingly jump into.

An interesting combination of dramas : Dong Yi & Cougar Town

2010-08-01T22:46:00.002+08:00

Ignore the title.
Mom wailed yesterday.
No, that's not a typo/some pompous word set out to impress you.
She WAILED, for real, like a baby, real loud, for about 15 minutes, non-stop.
I guess that stopped SC from visiting the prostitutes in the slum today.
It's somewhere in Pudu, BTW.
When she first wailed LOUDLY (don't doubt me.), my brother and I giggled uncontrollably because we thought she was laughing.
Her wail sounded more like chuckles.
Later when we realised she was actually crying, I tried to control my laughter but since laughing is so freaking contagious, I couldn't help laughing a little, while soothing mom, and tried REALLY HARD to keep my lips in place because my brother was still laughing, and shaking simultaneously, next to me!
She proved a lot less tough than the way she portrayed herself and a little less tough than I have always imagined her to be.
"I can survive without a man."
"I don't have to depend on that man."
I doubt them.
You might not need to depend on him financially but emotionally you WANT TO depend on him.
And that is what makes all this so difficult.
What's lucky for me is that I have stopped yearning for father love since like ages ago.
Get tough.
And sometimes, you don't really need to have a heart for someone who's not worth the love,time and attention.

Ciao.

Erm. This is rather unethical. But.

2010-07-30T16:34:00.002+08:00

I am posting this anyway.
I find it HIGHLY amusing, as they think the sky is falling just because a certain guy didn't pick them. xD
It's the typical "That Bitch Stole My Boyfriend" feud.
Oh, and it's a version of 13-year-olds (my brother's age - now I think we Subang Jaya folks are *quite* CIVILISED)! xD
Enjoy! (You'll need to be able to read Mandarin to enjoy, by the way.)
One of the Penang Cousies vs. Someone she calls BITCH

Listen to me LEH. That's enough LA. Imma still a Chinese, satisfied?

2010-07-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

I’ve had enough of you.
The root of all misery is family.
You sick-minded bitch compelled me into your diabolical scheme by using the “As my child, you can’t even help me to do something as small as this” cliché.
Tell you what, it’s getting old.

THEY have lost touch with humanity.
Both of THEM are insane;
one with his love affair, another with her obsession with witchcraft.
You even went to the extent of phoning your fellow siblings and tell them I don’t pray.
WHAT THE FUCK!
Have I violated the law by merely having faith in nobody but myself?
You fucking close-minded bunch act as if I am the black sheep of the family, if not the social anathema.
At least I have gained something from your distorted plan : I HAVE SEEN THE REAL YOU.
You are no more the ethical role model.
You are a greedy person who wants repayment for every prayer you make and also a backstabbing bitch who goes around badmouthing about someone when he/she refuses to abet you in your scheme.
Most importantly, you used me to do the bad parts of things so that you don’t have to bear the guilt.
You selfish bitch!
I can’t see any difference between you and him!
You kept on saying you are doing everything for your children but from my POV, you are doing all that for yourself, to rescue yourself from the brink of divorce.
You kept on saying you don’t need a guy to survive but your action contradicts your words!
Ponder about it : are all these for the welfare of you or your children?
Don’t call me ungrateful.
You know I’m not, and you know far too well.
I have never disobeyed you and I have been doing ~~my share of~~ most of the housework since 11.
I have complained but I did them nevertheless.
And I have NOT seen you giving a FAIR SHARE *scorns* of housework to another of your child.
You had only defended me twice, verbally, and that was all, in front of him.
You don’t know how much of tears I have shed in this HOUSE.
But of course, how can I expect a person who calls me an old chap for watching movies like Changeling and Slumdog Millionaire and Grey’s Anatomy to understand?
You forced me into The Plan and yet you dare not embrace the truth.
How ironic.
A private investigator would have been more practical, and cost-effective.
Do you naively think witches don’t seek help from private investigators?
They do.
It’s just that private investigators are wholesellers while witches are resellers.
Witches repackage everything by putting on grand shows entitled “The God Has Landed In Me, Ask Me Anything”.
Bottomline, I hate you self-centered people!
Don’t produce kids if you can’t afford the love and selflessness!

P.S Go ahead. Bombard me with cynical comments. I’d love to retort back at them one by one.
P.P.S It’s really easy for you to say because you are not even in one of my shoes!
P.P.P.S For you guys who like to pick on everyone’s hairstyle/looks/anything else, get a life! What has everyone done to you but shower you guys with kindness (and lots of them)? Tell you what, one of them overheard but pretended he/she did not because he/she did not want to confront you guys. So stop it, my CLOSE friends.

Don't stand so close to me.

2010-07-27T15:10:00.003+08:00

Again, I love the rain, even when it makes me want to stay in bed instead of going to school. =)
Newfeeling is fading. =D

Ready, Set, BOOM!

2010-07-26T15:55:00.002+08:00

I'm a dynamite and you ignited me by your oratory.
Do you really think I would have been influenced by your witty words that seem to come from anywhere but your brains?
You might think you are this politician or evangelist who can move everyone to repentance by merely a few words.
But no, I've looked through your mask and what's lying beneath is something I can't and won't even try to tolerate.
Insulting people or trying to tell the whole world that you are witty might be great fun to you, but let me remind you, it's always you and only you who will wickedly gain pleasure from this unscrupulous doing.
You are spoiled, unthoughtful and mean.
Gosh, I'd do anything to not see you ever again, even if I have to write 10 freaking karangans or touch a worm.
It might look like you've won every confrontation but from a bigger picture, you've lost humanity, the core element of a human.
And yes, I am backstabbing because I always have this thing called delayed rage.
I don't get angry at anything infuriating until half an hour or so has passed.
Meant for : first bitch and second dog.

I don't know why but water is always a great source of inspiration, be it the sound of water dripping or water itself.
This popped up during a "watery" moment.
Failure is nothing but the exposure to the cold harsh reality.
Binged, Googled and Yahooed it.
No luck.
It's from my head then, I guess.
If I can handle the reality, I can definitely handle failure. =)

Shame on you.
Infidelity in marriage?
Go to hell!
You want to join the prostitutes in the slum or date people you meet on Skype?
Go ahead!
Let me just bid you all the bad luck you need to contract STD or even AIDS.
Meant for : second dog.
Anyway, I've always known you are a useless blacksheep to anyone .
Sexist, biased, selfish, etc.
What I don't know is how far you'd go on this self-degrading journey.

P.S My angst, as you can see, is rather different from the typical he-doesn't-love-me-back teen angst.

I live for people who care, oh, and mangosteens,
Yi Lin

when messy thoughts are strung into sentences.

2010-07-22T14:34:00.002+08:00

This is quite a week.
I lost my uniform, found it in mom's wardrobe;
I metaphorically passed out, due to exhaustion from the 12 hours of schooling, at 8 in the night, then woke up at 2 only to find my bag, exactly untouched, lying on the spot where I placed it from the minute I arrived home from school;
I rearranged my books and went back into sleep.
Without realising it, a day of no life, with school from 6 to 6, has just passed by.
And here started another 12-hour school day.
If students are to be stereotyped, I would put on this label : We are as hardworking as the working class - the only difference is that we don't get paid.

.when high hopes get real tiny.
.when there's only one last person left in the fight.
.when dealing with a stuck-up only child who acts like the school, more like everything in the universe, belongs to her.
.when dealing with more stuck-ups.
.when mingling with gloating babies or boastful pigs.
.when i prayed naively to god for daddy to love me.
.when i get so tired of believing that i simply gave up doing it and have faith in myself instead.
I hope it rains, because rain makes me feel so much better.

Getting real,
Yi Lin

P.S I am not depressed. =) Language exaggerates.

Of Happy Endings.

2010-07-16T21:18:00.002+08:00

I used to think happy endings in movies are naive;
Now I think that thinking happy endings in movies are naive IS naive.
In fact, I am learning to appreciate happy endings more and more as I grow, especially after watching inspiring movies with brief but nevertheless happy endings like Memoirs of A Geisha and Slumdog Millionaire.
It remains vague to me whether I like those movies merely for their happy endings or the moving plots.
Doesn't matter anyway.
Watch the movies!
Don't forget Beyond Borders as well!
I would say it's vastly underrated.
Just because there's Angelina Jolie in the movie, everyone has to criticise her acting instead of appreciating the storyboard.
Done crapping.
Ciao.

Everything will come to an end,
Yi Lin

P.S I refuse to argue with you because I've made up my mind and no unreasonable words can brainwash me any longer.

No Joke.

2010-07-14T15:01:00.002+08:00

My aspiration to become a medical doctor is not unrealistic and you know that.
Stop the fucking crap and quit convincing me to pursue other fields like biotechnology or accounts, because after all, you are not the one who's going to have blood cells as your only companions in the laboratory, nor are you the one who's going to key in numbers mechanically whole day.
Stop calling me ungrateful just because I choose to pursue my dream rather than believing "you can pursue your dreams in your next life".
You and I know that there's no such thing called next life.
Life is only once so I am not going to sit here and be all ignorant and let you manipulate me like I am some sort of puppet.
I am fucking emotional and I am pretty sure you would have been way more emotional than me if your mother calls you a lofty person who "dreams" (LITERALLY) to be a doctor and your sexist father wants you to borrow money from loan sharks to finance yourself for your tertiary studies.
It's not like I flunked all subjects.
I know what I want and I am going for it.
You either fucking back off or I will back off from your lives.
Mind you, I am gonna be 18 next year.
And stop the stupid fight.
You guys are ruining my weekends and wasting my precious supposedly-used-to-study-for-trials time by telling me two totally different versions of stories.
If you want to have an affair, go ahead.
If you want to get a divorce, go ahead.
If you want to move, go ahead.
Just, please, stop for five months so that I can graduate from high school in peace.

This Time Last Year.

2010-07-09T14:59:00.003+08:00

On all fours, I crawled around her coffin.
Beneath it was her icy cold body.
All I felt was repentance and guilt.
The last time I've seen her, alive, was about 4 years ago.
The thing I've regretted the most was that I was thoroughly intoxicated by the propagation spread by my unthoughtful parents during their never-ending dispute.
Handing me three bowls of food, each consisting of chicken, vegetable and rice respectively, the Taoist priest wanted me to feed her.
Lifting the pair of chopsticks, I called out softly, "please eat, grandma", again and again after pretentiously feeding her each spoonful.
She didn't respond, of course, but secretly inside I just hoped that it was all just a dream, a nightmare, that she would just miraculously wake up.
I didn't care - I dare not, fearing that I couldn't stop once I started.
Ignoring and half-pretending that I didn't hear him telling the priest that "My eldest grandchild is a girl", I remained tough and pulled through almost all of the rituals.
I wore the same black outfit for three days and wasn't allowed to leave the house because it might "bring bad luck to others".
During the funeral day, I cried as the music went on and on.

You may be wondering what instigated me to write about this.
The funeral music I heard today was it.

This time last year, I acted tough.
Now, I couldn't.
Humanity always wins.
Career Day was held on my bad hair day, hence I can't really comment about it.
Ciao.
BTW, I'm still agnostic.

Now. Always. Never.

2010-07-08T20:59:00.004+08:00

Now I Know.

We started our blogs for the same reason. "Unrequited love" would be too strong a phrase. Let's just say it's the emptiness that emerged from it.
We are so different, yet similar in so many ways.
You are really troubled.
The only thing that I am grateful about SC is that he built the family here, instead of places where I could be as screwed up as you.
Bluntness is THIS highly abominable.

I Always Knew.

I will do everything I can to get you out of that predicament. Now, and always.
I wouldn't blame you because if I were to be in your shoes, I would've probably messed up worse. Way worse, and I mean it.
You deserve better than this.

You Might Never Know.

Dreams are worth fighting for, even if that means standing up to your closest ones.
I am referring to you when I'm writing this.
You might turn out even better than me if you were raised here instead of there.
Life's yours, entirely.

Sighing, I end this post with the feeling that another person in this world has lost her soul.

P.S I created a non-funky email address for formal purposes, just because some people won't appreciate the free McD meal I got for creating my current email address : cutie_eileen@hotmail.com!

Can they be any cuter?

2010-07-02T14:46:00.003+08:00

Aww.

I love colors. =)

Am still indebted, so, watch no touch!

Imma Bitch.

2010-07-01T14:46:00.004+08:00

I hate to proofread. Hence, the words in my sentences don't connect to each other sometimes. But, mind you, it's not mainly because my grammar sucks (partly, yes), but my thoughts that zoom by 100miles/minute (weird metaphor, I know), so fast that when I am writing this, the next sentence is already strung together in my head. So, very often I type half a sentence with my ideas for the next one.
I hate him, who thought he's so cute with that voice when mingling with the canteen maid.
Click on my Nuffnang ads - I have so many birthday presents to buy, and so little money! Otherwise, I'll have to study hard to strive As in exams for money. There's a quantum fixed by Mom : RM5 for A-, 10 for A, 15 for A+ and 20 for perfect score. Tough money. I think plastering a fake smile and saying "Welcome, what would you like to have?" in a restaurant is easier than this.
I am writing because I just had a sugar rush from the six nougats I ate earlier. Was trying out all 9 flavours, but I think I will rather not proceed.
This is the fucking 21st century. There's no need to abase yourself to please him. WTF.
I clicked Check Spelling. Only mispelt "sucks". Not bad. Ciao. =)

P.S. Sitting with Hui Jun = High on Drugs!

I Bite.

2010-06-27T11:56:00.003+08:00

If he wants to hang out with friends, they would willingly fetch him to the shopping complex.
But me?
They even shouted "Shit, you fetch her la!" at each other before fetching me to the tuition centre.
Let alone an outing.

Fucking under appreciated,
Yi Lin.